she didn't know what home was supposed to mean, but she knew how home felt.
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contains spoilers
fem!reader
intended lowercase
feedback appreciated, not hate
imagine; you're newt's girlfriend, and you're the person there when newt turns.
warning: angst! sorry not sorry + mentions of puking/mucus!!
NEWT ISSACS
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SCARING ME i could see it in the blondes eyes, life was fading away in him. he tried to give me a smile, but the black mucus that disgorged from his mouth, covered the familiar grin i suddenly longed to see.
the atmosphere was quiet, even though hell was breaking loose all around the city. right now, in this moment, it was only me, and my boy, newt. i can't stand looking at him in this state.
his hands, arms had intruding black veins, and patchy purple blood vessels under his usual sun-kissed skin. the virus invaded into his eyes, oh his beautiful eyes, you couldn't admire the caramel, pools of honey that were called his eyes anymore, you could barely see the tints of brown. they were surrounded by the black muck again.
every time he violently shook, every time he retched or groaned, i knew he was trying to desperately hold onto his consciousness for me. there were no words exchanged, but that was probably my fault. i can't get rid of the lump in my throat, thats preventing me from letting out a slur of broken sobs.
i was going to try anyway, i want to say something to my boy. something that will reassure him, and myself as well. "..newtie." the name came out in a quiet mutter. i swallow, trying to restrain myself from sobbing in front of him. its probably the last thing he wants to see.
he tries to smile again, but all i can see is the black muck covering his gorgeous smile. "(y/n)." he heaves, curling while he laid down to cough up more diseased mucus. it sounded like it was a struggle to even say my name.
"..remember when tommy first came..to-to the glade?" a sentence comes out of my lips, almost a line of broken words. "you gave him gallys moonshine recipe, he hunched over and almost hurled." i wanted to laugh, instead a lopsided grin made its way to my face. nothing could've made me laugh in this solemn moment, my heart was aching to much for me to reminisce with my love.
"the next day, he tried to go out into the maze; gally tackled him." my hands tried to move the hair off of his face, to make things a little more comfortable for newt. "..i..i remember that." his accent came out stronger, and laughed, but he ended up leaning over to throw up once again.
it was quiet for a little while longer, until another explosion happened to a building not far from us. the others hadn't been back with the serum yet, and i knew i didn't have much time with newt. "i don't want you to leave, newtie." i finally expressed my emotions, a few tear drops landing on my jacket. the jacket that newt gave to me, when it rained a little too hard in the glade.
newt looked at her, the bag under his head shifting as well. "..i dont, want to leave either, darling." his chest heaved up and down, he was gathering up his strength just to talk to me, i could see that. "i love you, (y/n)." he paused, looking me straight in the eye. "don't cry, love, it hurts me when you cry." his voice broke, and i could see the look on his face clear as day, even if my tears were blurring my vision. he was genuine, sincere, and black tinted streaks rolled down the sides of his face. he was crying.
my heart painfully ached, and my words could only come up broken, but i hoped newt could understand what i was trying to say to him. "i love you more," i paused, swallowing to stop myself from sobbing into my next sentence again. "ill always love you more than how the moon loves the sun."
one of his hands reached out to me, and i took him into a hug. i hoped i wasn't hurting him as my tears soaked into his shoulder. he seemed to be doing the same, he was clinging onto me as much as he could with whatever motivation he had left.
"just keep holding onto me, love." i could feel newts tears soaking into my shoulder too, but the black stains wouldn't matter to me. it'd be a reminder of who this boy, newt, was to me, and how much love we had for each other in this life. how much love, i will always have for him.
minutes pass by, third person p.o.v
the sick and diseased boy laid limp in her arms. god, it was taking the strength of the whole earth to not scream at the world, for taking her boy away from her.
she didn't want to accept that newt was half-dead in her arms, but she had to. she didn't have any words to express how she felt now, but she could say that minho pierced a spear through her chest, as he did to gally all those months ago.
she was hoping that brenda and thomas came right this moment, with the serum, so they could somehow save the love of her life. he was still breathing, but barely. he was hanging on by a thread.
she began to quietly sob, cradling him in her arms as she rocked herself. "we weren't supposed to end like this, newt." she sobbed into the crook of his neck. (y/n) didn't want to let him go, she didn't want to say goodbye, she wanted to see his stupid grinning face every time she woke up in the morning.
she let the boy down carefully, his head still rested on the bag. (y/n) looked down at him with tears rolling down her face, and with a heavy heart, she started to get up from their spot. she didn't know what to do now, she didn't want to leave him there, but she knew she had to go.
it was such a hard time, so she decided to just stare up at the sky. in such moments of despair and destruction, she saw beauty in all of it. thats just the type of person, (y/n) was.
but as she was thinking to herself about all the things happening right now, a voice called out. "(Y/N)! WATCH OUT!" she had turned around to see thomas and minho from a far distance for a split second, until newts infected figure blocked them. he was running at her.
"shit! newt, newt!" she had managed to get out of the way, just as he jumped to tackle her. "newt, its me!" she cried, not knowing what to do except stand there, and dodge what she had to.
newt had regained, and tackled her again, but newt himself came back for a moment. "(y/n).." he mumbled, before more black saliva spilled out from his lips, and then (y/n) had to shove him off of her. he landed just a few feet away.
"newt, stop, please!" she yelled through tears, she scrambled to get back up as newt looked through his blonde, sweaty locs. (y/n) was too slow, she was still recovering from getting the wind blown from her lungs. newt pushed her, pinning her on the ground.
"THOMAS! MINHO!" she screamed in terror, tears still rolling down the sides of her face. "shit, you're scaring me!" they were looking eye to eye, as if newt was analyzing her, maybe she looked familiar in his dazed mind.
he seemed to open his mouth to possibly say something, but footsteps stomped their way to them and he was on the floor beside her, knocked out.
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yall, i could really be a writer in the future coz LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE. lowkey sorry for the angst but it was acc such a good idea.
anyways, i might do a part 2 to this but i dont know 😭
