Fucked up world

Chapter 14: Revelații

I paused in my story both to think about what I said and to gauge his reaction. I didn't want to tell him the whole truth. I took a long sip from my glass as I looked back at him.
His features subtly lit. His expression was not very different from usual.
His eyes on the other hand... God they were beautiful.  A blue as hard as ice, deep as the ocean, they displayed an emotion that I was unable to grasp.  I had the subtle thought that I would no longer need the sky if this man looked at me.  I avoided the burning intensity of his gaze on me and the strange thoughts that crossed my mind.  I composed myself by taking a long sip of the whiskey.  I resumed my story, looking at my hands, suddenly finding them very interesting.  My voice was cold, emotionless, resuming facts like it wasn't related to me.
"My mother was arrested but was killed in the process. I took the opportunity to run away. Afterwards I lived of unsavory jobs, preparing for the moment when I was going to kill the cop who had shot."  I laughed bitterly "I didn't even know he was a traitor, an undercover villain." 
I just needed a name and address. 

We stayed in silence for a few moments before he asked me in a husky voice.
"But if you wanted justice, why didn't you go to the police or to the heroes?" 
Damn. 
He doesn't think of it for a second but he knows the hidden question he's asking behind it: What have I done? 
My eyes twitched but I replied in a calm and composed voice.

"I have a rather...complicated quirk, as you could see. (#I almost killed you) I can't control it and it's dangerous. I  would have obviously had problems with the commission for the regulation of quirks, I could have been locked up. Moreover, my mother had just been declared a criminal, killed by the police and I had fled arrest. Not a very good record  according to their criteria." The sarcasm rating was enough. What I said wasn't false but it wasn't the whole truth. 
The truth that I had killed a man to defend myself that evening, the truth that I had already accidentally killed a little boy with red hair when I was only 10 years old.  The latter had been the reason for my social break with the world during my adolescence, the reason why we had constantly moved. 

A wave of sadness washed over me and I quickly compressed it along with the other troubles in my chest.  Dabi seemed satisfied with my answer, which I believed was perfectly logical, and leaned back in his chair.  However, his eyes did not turn away from me.  I didn't look directly at him but I could feel the strength of his orbs on my thin skin. I started talking again.
"Then I started hunting the Eden organization to find out what my mother did to them to deserve the title of high treason. I searched for many months for a breach, but damn they are well protected by the government ...
It's weird, isn't it? For a simple hospital.
That's what I told myself. So I started looking into everyone who protects them. Almost all of them heroes but not only, several villains were involved as well. I searched through their  life until I knew the brand of their toothbrush, until I found that they had paid this guy, your spy, to infiltrate the police and kill my mother.
That's how i was able to track him down and you know..." I illustrated my point by passing my finger under my throat, like a blade.
"And I was also able to come to the conclusion that there was human trafficking, people disappearing, in this place, the records doesn't fitted. At the beginning I wanted  to understand, then I understood that I would destroy them, they are the so-called savior who have corrupted the system." 
I sort of gestured towards my room where I found hundreds of invaluable papers on almost all of the pro heroes and all their hidden dirt.

"And after?"  I jerked my head up towards him, my lips parting in a silent inhale. 
"After..?"  I tilted my head, confused. 
"Don't you have any plans for afterward?" 
After?  I never asked myself that question.  I never even thought about it.  I had clung to this project, repressing everything.  Perhaps I hoped not to finish this quest, this hatred, after all I had nothing else.  I looked Dabi straight in the eye, my hands clutched to my stomach under the table.  This man scared me. 
He gave me hope and it terrified me.  And it was cruel, given the fate he had in store for me in a few weeks. "If I don't die in my quest I guess I will die when you deliver me to the LOV."  He blinked as if he had just remembered it.  "Ha, yes...Of course."