A Champion of Light and Lions (Cersei Lannister x OC)

9 - ...Could End In Burning Flames Or Paradise

The awkward mood between us did not get any better over the course of the coming weeks. Cersei was still avoiding me whenever she could without outright ignoring me, which made it much harder for me to study her behavior and finally figure out what to do about us. I couldn't very well interpret our interactions if there were no interactions.

What I still didn't fully understand was why she was acting like this. Had I said something wrong, offended her somehow? But she wasn't one to ignore insults, she would have let me know if I had stepped out of line.

More and more, I got the feeling I had ruined anything between us that day. She hadn't been this distant toward me since we first met. Was it disappointment, perhaps? Hurt from my perceived rejection? It was possible, certainly, but I didn't want to let myself think about it too much. Because if I did, that accursed hope would come back and take over and make me assume the best case again before I could be sure of it, and I'd likely only make everything worse.

I'd keep myself open to the possibility, though. Shutting it out entirely was more than I could bear. Just a little bit of hope couldn't hurt, could it?

I finally managed to apprehend Cersei on her way to a council meeting. I stepped into her path quickly, not leaving her any chance to dodge me again, and fell into step beside her.

"Something is up with you lately", I confronted her, deciding on a whim it was no use to talk around it any longer. I was out of ideas for subtly addressing the issue. "If it's something I've done, I hereby sincerely apologize, but please just tell me what's wrong. I can't stand this toeing around, this simmering distance between us. Explain to me what happened so I can fix it."

She stared at me with a troubled expression, attempting several times to answer but then reconsidering.

"Please", I urged. "I just want us to go back to how we were. I feel like I've lost you, and that's the last thing I want. So tell me how to make it right."

She laughed quietly, but it didn't sound happy. 

"What?", I asked, disquieted.

"Nothing", Cersei replied, "I'm sorry. It's just, going back to how we were..." She smiled bitterly and shook her head. "Doesn't matter. Forget I said that. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad by seeing you so little lately. I didn't mean to. I just needed some time to... come to terms with something."

At least she admitted to avoiding me. "With what?", I probed. "Can I help?"

"No", she said, shaking her head again. "It's fine, I've dealt with it now. You're right, let's go back to how it was before." She smiled at me as sincerely as she could manage, but I could tell there was still something plaguing her. I wasn't about to dig any deeper when she was just warming up to me again, though.

I did, however, make a mental note of how well these evasive answers fit with my theory, and was not disappointed...

"That would be nice", I agreed. "And if you ever do want to talk... I'm here."

"I know", she smiled. "You've been here to support me without question and without fail since the day you arrived. I don't thank you enough for that."

"Whatever happens, we'll see each other through it", I replied, silently turning the vow into a question with my eyes.

"Whatever happens", Cersei confirmed.

I clasped her shoulder, trying to make the gesture look casual, but watching closely for her reaction. She leaned into my touch immediately, catching herself a moment later and returning to a more normal posture. I couldn't suppress a slight smile from spreading on my face while on the inside, I was beaming. I could still be mistaken, of course, but I felt increasingly sure of myself the more I saw.