Trickles of Life

REAL

If God ain't real, Real isn't

I’ve always loved that line from NF’s song, Real.

But I don't think I  understood how real God is until one particular amazing day.

About a week before this day of divine visitation, I had been at school, my mood a mess from a scolding my mother had just bestowed on me.

Why did she have to make me feel like I wasn't a true Christian? Didn't she even trust me at all? I listen to dark emotional music? So what? Did that mean I was letting myself slip into darkness?

Being the overly emotional girl I am, my eyes were already clouded over and leaking tears where I sat. Perhaps it was my already frayed emotions that contributed to this spontaneous bawling.

I had just resumed to the university only a few weeks before, and I was terribly homesick, waiting for that fateful day when I would pack my bags and head home for the Christmas break.

Now here was the same woman I was so eager to be reunited with, scolding me about something as trivial as music.

I was angry and frustrated, tired of this whole university life. And I had only just started! What happened to making my parents proud? It seemed I couldn't do that either.

I struggled to keep it a secret that I was crying. I wasn't going to embarrass myself in a lecture theater full of higher level students.

“Hello. Good morning."

I almost groaned internally. What now? Couldn't I cry in peace?

Silently praying my eyes weren't puffy and my face wasn't wet, I looked up.

It was a slender lady. Her smile was pretty and heartwarming. She wore a round neck top and jean trousers, her hair in brown artificial locks.

I smiled. I’ve always been good at that. Faking smiles so well that they immediately passed off as real.

“Good morning," I replied.

Thankfully, my voice did not break.

“Can I sit with you?"

I mentally groaned again. I was tempted to tell her I was a Christian and that I already had a fellowship. That was the usual talk that followed these kinds of meetings.

Several Christian seniors had approached me, engaging themselves in the ‘catch them young’ trend.

Why today though? Why did it have to be when I was in such a mood?

I feigned another smile.

“Yes," I replied.

She slipped into the seat right next to me. I almost squirmed. Physical contact was something I detested.

She told me her name, smiling all through as she did so.

I was not interested. I wanted this to end so I could go back to my…

I nodded as she said something I didn't hear. As long as I did that, maybe I could seem interested.

“What's your name?" she repeated.

“Oh!" I said, embarrassment flooding through me as I realized she had asked me a question.

Clumsily, I told her.

She smiled and nodded.

“Are you a Christian?" she asked.

"Yes,” I replied.

Are you sure about that?

The stupid voice in my head asked. I blinked, fighting against the pressure building behind my eyes. God! Please don't let me embarrass myself.