Chapter 1

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*AVA'S POV*

Dear diary,
So today was like any other day at school.. I'm literally so done with everyone and everything. That bitch Jade I always talk about, bullying people. Well she decided she wanted me to be her next victim, well she literally had the whole school making fun of me.. But it's whatever, I'm used to getting bullied. It's happened since 5th grade and I'm now in 10th, I'm just sick of it ya know?
So I cut again today.. I know I was exactly one month clean, I just can't handle all the stress, and bullies and depression and. It's just hard sometimes. Anyways I'll keep you updated on what tomorrow is like, I don't feel like writing anymore tonight and besides my moms calling me down to eat dinner...
xoxo - Ava
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I closed my journal softly as I wiped a tear running down my cheek. I walked over to my desk and laid my journal inside one of the draws.

"Ava, get down here and eat your food is going to get cold! " my mother yelled upstairs to me.

I sighed yelling back down to her "coming!"

I walked out of my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I slowly walked down the stairs and into the kitchen
"What did you make for dinner?" I asked with no emotion

"Spaghetti" my mom answered
I cringed at the word.

"You know I don't care for that" I said sassily

"Well that's what I wanted so eat it or do without" she said back

I rolled my eyes "ever think of asking me what I wanted to?"

She looked at me and turned away without answering me.
"Just get a plate and eat. You don't have to eat it all if you don't want to, you just need to eat something. You've barley eaten these past few days." She turned back to me

"Is everything okay..?" She asked me as her face softened, and showed a bit of sadness.

I looked away trying not to break down right then and there, I paused a not more than 3 seconds

"Um...yeah. I'm okay, couldn't be better" I said putting on the most obvious fake smile
.
My mom didn't say another word. I grabbed my plate to get some food, I only got one scoop of noodles because well I'm not very fond of spaghetti and then I put the sauce on it. I went to go set my plate on the table and then I walked to the fridge to get a bottle of water, yes I'd rather have water than soda.

I starred at my plate twirling noodles on my fork, I had no emotion at all and then my mom spoke up.

"So..... What would you think about moving?" She said nervously. I dropped my fork

"Moving? Wait we're moving?" I said
"Well yeah..we kind of have to. I found a new job, it pays well. I looked into it and I took it, but the thing is, it's on the other side of the country, all the way in North Carolina" My mom said scratching the back of her neck

"Mom we can't move, all my friends are here! I grew up here, California is my home. Don't you get that! I'm not moving, I'm staying. " I said angrily while getting up from the table and taking my plate to the counter. I stomped up the stairs heading back to my room.

"You better get back here young lady!" My mother yelled.

I just ignored her. Once I got up to my room, I slammed the door shut letting my mom know I was angry at her and didn't want to be bothered. I went over to my desk and took out my journal and started writing again
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Dear diary,
I know I said I would write tomorrow but I just....this is the only way to say how I feel. Okay so....I just found out I was moving. I really do not want to. Like California is literally my home, I was born and raised here but my mom doesn't seem to get that. Ever since my brother left for college I've been acting different, I'd always go to him with my problems and he'd give me advice, but now I can't talk to him about what's been going on at school and things..
I wonder if he'll move to NC with us and go to a different college much closer or stay here. I really want him to move with us. I miss him a lot, yes we did fight and bicker and try to tare each other apart at times, but I'm still his little sister and we love each other.
I also need to invite Alex and Sophia over to talk tomorrow after school I need to break the news to them, it's gonna hurt them so much. I'm inviting them over because I'd rather do it in person, but that's just me...
I need to hop in the shower and get ready for bed. Another day in that hell hole aka school. So I'll update tomorrow.
xoxo - ava
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I sighed really loud as I closed my journal. I put it back in my desk draw and then went to my dresser to find my bed clothes, I picked out some random pajama bottoms and a shirt my brother gave to me before he let for college. It still smelt like him to, it's been almost 5 months since he left, he hasn't came to visit on the weekends or anything.

I miss him so damn much, I've never been 2 weeks without seeing my brother he's my role model and I look up to him. He teaches me things about life for when I'm older. He used to sleep with me when I got scared yes I'm 15 and I still get scared of the dark sometimes. He used to sing me to sleep. He used to take me where I wanted. We used to take walks and just hang out and talk.

All the thoughts of me and my brother kept rushing through my head and I started tearing up. I wiped my glossy eyes. I grabbed whatever other clothing I needed, like a sports bra and underwear. I closed my dresser and grabbed my speaker off of my night stand along with my phone and took it to the bathroom. I plugged my phone into my speaker and went on pandora, Confident by Justin Bieber starting blasting through the bathroom. Yes I'm a belieber, don't judge. After I got my music on and my towel out of the bathroom closet, I started stripping. After I had my clothes off I turned the water to the temperature I wanted and got in.

After about 15 minutes I got out and wrapped my towel around me. I dried myself off and got dressed.
After I got dressed I did my usual night routine, I brushed my hair, my teeth and all that good stuff. When I was done with that I decided to go on YouTube on my laptop for a while since it was only about......I looked over at my digital clock, it's only like 10:00 pm. I watched Andrea Russett's recent video about why she cut her hair. and then I went back to O2L's channel. I missed them so much, all the memories came back. I really miss kiandrea as well... My mom interrupted my thoughts by knocking on my door. She walked in

"Yeah?" I asked

"You need to head to bed, it's eleven thirty and you have school tomorrow" she said softly. Oh shit I didn't even know I was on here for that long.

"Alright." I said quietly while shutting down my laptop.

"Night, love you" my mother said while walking out of my room.

I didn't say anything back. Of course I love my mom, I'm just still pissed about the moving thing. I laid down starting at the ceiling with my thoughts roaming through my head.
Before I know it sleep had taken over.
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So this is the end of the first chapter, again sorry if I made any errors I will go back a proof read later on. But I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. I'll update the next chapter as soon as I can
xoxo - arianna 💋

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