Hedda Mikaelson

Chapter 62 - Boyfriend vs Mikaelsons

Hugh and I stare at each other, our hearts beating so fast at this new revelation.

Hugh is Matthew. The boy who went to his mother about me in school. He's the reason I was brutally injured that night.

Does he even know?

I dump my belongings back on the floor and trudge over to the bed again where I curl up, my back towards him. I don't know what to say right now. Clearly, neither does he.

He sighs and joins me, rubbing his hand in circles on my back. The motion brings tears to my eyes. It's so familiar, he always used to comfort me like this.

"You're really Matthew?" I ask hoping he will tell me it's all a joke.

But it's not.

"Yes," he nods, "I am."

I stand up quickly, shaking my head in disbelief. This can't be. He can't be the little boy who hurt me all those years ago. The one who's mother my family killed in retaliation.

"Do you even know..?" I trail off, not wanting to him to see his mother the way I see father.

If he doesn't know what she did I won't tell him.

"Why did you do it? Why did you tell your mother about me?" I change my line of questioning now to understand him more.

"I did what she taught me. You mentioned drinking blood and you tried to compel me. I was terrified so I ran to her."

I nod and take a deep breath, thinking it all over. He was the catalyst for my torture. He didn't do it, but he told the people who did.

The Pastor. His mother.

What happened was so fucked up.

No one is innocent but it's not that simple when it comes down to the role he played. He was six for god's sake. How can it be his fault?

What he said earlier was right. All it comes down to is whether I can love him for who he truly is. And whether he can love me as Hedda.

We're both actually facing a similar mess.

"I wish I could take it all back," he rambles on desperately trying to make me understand. "Mom disappeared not long after, they told me it was an animal attack. I'm sure it was a vampire, but they never let me see her body. It was all my fault."

Silence passes between us.

"You were six," I acknowledge although it's hard to when memories of my torture pop up unexpectedly in my mind. "You were a scared child, you didn't know any better. You didn't know what would happen. It wasn't your fault."

I'm talking about both my torture and his mother's death but of course, he doesn't know that.

I walk outside and Hugh follows me. We survey the people below us as we step onto our balcony. The people below have no idea of the supernatural. What a wonderful life that would be.

But I can't change who I am. Neither can Hugh.

I think of Stella while I stare out at the night sky. How can I punish Hugh when I'm the true monster? I caused the deaths of her family, deaths that were directly my fault.

If I can't forgive Hugh for his role in my torture all those years ago, I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did to her family. If it's even possible for me to forgive myself.

I focus back on the humans below us. All their lives seem so dull and short when I'm faced with the fact that I can't die. I just want a normal life. I want to have a beautiful family and live on a farm or somewhere else with a wonderful view.