If Fire Caught

Chapter 10: Peeta

The last day before the interviews, Effie and Haymitch leave Katniss and I to our own devices, something about how they feel our recent victory tour has prepared us for the interviews.

"So what are we gonna do?" Katniss asks me.

"Why don't we go to the roof, a little freedom before all this," I say.

"I'd like that," she says. We gather some food and a couple blankets before heading up to the rooftop garden. Katniss stands by the edge of the roof and looks down on the streets of the Capitol. I see tears in her eyes and I carefully wipe a stray one from her cheek.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"What isn't wrong?" she says. "All I want is to be home right now. I want to be painting a room for our baby and to be watching Prim play with that stupid cat and to be eating some of your baked goods before falling asleep in your arms. But that won't happen. None of that can ever happen again."

"Yes it can," I say. "It can all happen when you get home."

"But where are you? Where will you be if I go home?" she says. "You'll be dead and I'll be an emotional mess that will never be stable enough to properly care for our baby."

"You'll be fine, Kitten," I say.

"No I won't," she cries. "I'll never be fine! This is why I never wanted to fall in love, get married, have children. Because everyone who gets close to me dies."

"Your just going have to try your hardest," I say. "I need you to promise to not do what your mother did. You need to be there for the baby to make sure that he or she lives a good life."

"I promise Peeta," she says. "I'll do everything in my power to make sure he's okay. I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to do this without you."

"You will never be alone," I say. "I'll always be with you, both of you."

"I love you," she says. "I'll never replace you."

"Someday you may need to," I say.

"But I won't," she says. "Gale already promised to help me care for the baby should you not come home, but he will not be his father. I'll never fall in love with him. This baby will never call anyone but you Daddy." She starts crying harder and I help her sit down.

"Shhh," I whisper as I try to sooth her. "We don't have to talk about that right now. We don't have to worry about that yet. You need to calm down. If not for me then for our little cupcake you are carrying."

She nods and her sobs start turning into small hiccups and her breathing starts to slow. Eventually I find that she has fallen asleep on my lap. I carefully unbraid her hair and allow it to lay softly on her shoulder. She looks less worried in sleep and her arm rests over our baby.

What she said earlier scares me. She promised to stay with our baby, to take care of her as best she could, but I'm afraid she's right. I'm afraid she might go to the same dark place her mother went after her father died. I can only hope that Gale keeps his promise.

He confronted me after Katniss told him about the baby. He was angry to say the least. But when I told him my intentions of going in there with her again, he offered to take care of her and my child when she gets home. I made him promise to give them a good life, to be a good father to my child. He agreed not only because he loves her, but because he knows how much I'm giving up so she can come home.

I watch as the sun starts to set and I gently shake Katniss awake.

"Is something wrong?" she asks.

"I thought you might want to watch the sunset," I say.

"It's really pretty tonight," she comments.

"It's not even half as beautiful as you," I say. She starts playing with the flowers that surround us and I watch as she starts weaving a daisy chain. I start absentmindedly braiding and unbraiding strands of her hair.

"What are you doing?" she asks.

"Practicing knots," I say.

"Yeah," she says smirking. "Sure you are."

"Fine," I say. "I'll admit I like playing with your hair."

"I wish this didn't have to end," she says.

"I want to freeze this moment right here and live in it forever," I say.

"I'd love that," she says.

"So you'll allow it?" I ask. She smiles at me as she lays the flower crown on my head.

"I'll allow it," she says. "Because in this moment, we've finally been able to smile again."