If Fire Caught

Chapter 23: Katniss

I wake up in a different hospital bed in a different room than I was in when I blacked out. I'm wearing a soft grey shirt and pants. I try to sit up but a pain in my abdomen stops me. I look down to see I'm no longer pregnant. I roll up my shirt and gasp.There's a bandage around my abdomen and I can tell there are stitches underneath it when I breathe.

"Katniss," my mother says softly. I look to see her sitting next to my bed.

"Mommy," I say, a name I haven't called her since I was five."What happened to me? Where's my baby?"

"The stress of everything and all the medications you were given caused you to go into labor early and you hemorrhaged.We were able to stop the bleeding but we had to do a C-section. To deliver your son," she says.

"I had a boy?" I ask her and she nods sadly. "Where is he? Where is my baby?" She looks down and when she looks up, I see she's crying.

"Katniss," she says but then looks down again.

"Where is my son?" I say, becoming very worried. "Where is my baby? Please tell me Mommy." She wipes away her tears and looks up at me and gently stroking my hair out of my face.

"He's dead Katniss," she says. "We got to him to late. He was stillborn." I look at her in horror. No. It's not possible. My child, the little boy I carried for almost nine months, the one I felt moving under my hand just yesterday. He can't be dead.

"Tell me it's not true," I cry. "Please tell me it's not true. Please."

"I'm so sorry Baby," she says.

"Can I see him?" I ask her. "Can I hold him?"

"Katniss, I don't think that's a very good ide-" she starts but I cut her off.

"Please Mother," I say. "I need to at least see him. I've lost him and his father in the matter of a few days. I need to hold him, to give him his name."

"Sweetie," she says. "I don't know how I could get you down there in your condition."

"If you can get a wheel chair, I'll take her there," says a voice from the bed beside me. I raise my head up to see Finnick sitting there. I look over to him and smile gratefully. My mother shakes her head and disappears before returning with a chair.

"You need to stay with her," she tells Finnick as he helps her get me into the chair. "Don't let her do anything drastic. Don't let her get her hands on anything sharp."

"I won't," he says. He pushes me silently through the dusty grey walls of 13. When we get to a set of double doors, he turns me around and pulls me through. We get to about the end of the hall where I see a solum sign that notifies me that my child lays in the next room. But what troubles me is what he's labeled as. Because he's not labeled as who he is.

"Why is he labeled Baby Everdeen?" I ask Finnick, my voice sounding sore and hollow. "Peeta told the whole country we were married. Why doesn't he bare his father's name?"

"You aren't legally married," Finnick says. "They don't consider you a Mellark here." I nod my head sadly. "You okay?"

"No," I say. "But I need to see him." Finnick nods and pulls me through the door.

I see Gale standing over a bassinet crying.

"Gale?" I ask. He turns to me and I see tear stains on his cheeks.

"I failed you," he says. "I broke my promise to Peeta to keep you two safe. I'm so sorry." He falls to his knees in front of me and cries harder. I look at the tiny grey bundle behind him and realize something. My son will be buried here under a name that is not his. I can't let that happen and I know Gale won't either.

"Gale," I say. "I need you to do something."

"What?" he asks.

"You need to talk to someone, anyone, and find out who is in charge. Then you need to go to them and talk to them about taking my son home and burying him in the woods by the lake. I want my baby to be laid to rest at home, not here, not with strangers," I say. He nods and stands up.

"I'm gonna go to Coin herself," he says. "I won't rest until we are aloud to take yours and Peeta's son home."

"Thank you," I say and he leaves. I shakily stand up and walk over to the tiny, oh so tiny bundle. He's wrapped in a grey blanket that covers his face. My shaking hand reaches out and pulls it away from his face.

He's pale, very pale, with dark hair similar to mine. He has my nose and the rest is all Peeta. I gently touch his face and its cold. So very, very cold.

"River," I cry. "You can wake up now. Mommy's here. You don't have to be dead baby. Please open your eyes. You've got to stay with me. You've got to meet your Daddy when they get him back. He loves you so much. I love you so much. Please River! Please wake up!" I fall to my knees and start sobbing. He's gone. My son is gone.

Finnick gently helps me back into the chair and picks up my ever so tiny son whose eyes I don't know he has for they will never open.

"Do you still want to hold him Katniss?" he asks. I nod and hold out my arms as Finnick lays my child in my arms. He's light, it's scary how light he is. I start rocking, holding him to my chest.

"I need to sing to him," I say looking at Finnick, who has tears in his eyes as he watches me trying to soothe my dead child. "Do you think he'd like that?"

"Yes," he says. "I think it'd be a good way to send him to the world above ours." I keep rocking him and softly start singing.

"Deep in the meadow
Under the willow
A bed of grass
A soft green pillow
Lay down your head
And close your eyes
And when they open
The sun will rise

Here it's safe
Here it's warm
Here the daisies guard
You from every harm
And here your dreams are sweet
And tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you

"Deep in the meadow
Hidden far away
A cloak of leaves
A moonbeam ray
Forget your woes
And let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning
They'll wash away

Here it's safe
Here it's warm
Here the daisies guard
You from every harm
And here your dreams are sweet
And tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you

Deep in the meadow
Hidden far away
A cloak of leaves
A moonbeam ray
Forget your woes
And let your troubles lay
And when again it's morning
They'll wash away

Here it's safe
Here it's warm
Here the daisies guard
You from every harm
And here your dreams are sweet
And tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you"

I start sobbing again, soaking my son's blanket in my tears.

"Peeta!" I cry. "Where are you? I need you! Our son is dead Peeta! He's dead!"

"I wish they were dead," Finnick says. "Peeta and Annie and Johanna. I wish they were all dead and we were too. The pain would be nothing but a memory and we wouldn't have to worry about this stupid war." I look down at my son, my little River. I know what I have to do. For him. For his father. For all those who have been slaughtered in those stupid games.

I stand up and lay River back down in the bassinet and gently kiss his forehead before covering his tiny face from sight. I sit back down in the wheelchair and wipe away my tears.

"What are you going to do now?" Finnick asks. I look up at him and speak in a voice that is fueled by a mother's love and the strength of my hunger for revenge.

"I need to be the Mockingjay," I say. "For River and the thousands of others who have died from the actions of the Capitol."