If Fire Caught

Chapter 35: Katniss

"No! Boggs!" I cry as Gale pulls me away from his body. He and Mitchel just died saving me when Peeta pushed me onto a pod. He died because he thought my life was more important than his.

"Katniss, we have to go!" he says and I look over to where Finnick is dragging an unconscious Peeta over his shoulder. The others start running for an apartment building and as I take one last look at the bodies, Gale snatches me up and carries me away. We duck into an alley at he sets me down. I'm crying by now and he takes me by surprise when he slaps me across the face.

"What is wrong with you?!" he asks.

"They're dead," I sob out. "They're dead because of me." He grabs me by my shoulders and shoves me against a building.

"Yes, they're dead!" he says. "People die. You of all people should know that." I feel tears in my eyes as he yells at me. Gale has never treated me like this before. He was my best friend. But jealousy has ruined that little bit we had left after everything with River happened. "I swear ever since you went and let that love sick moron knock you up, you aren't the same anymore!" I look at him and feel anger rise in my chest.

"How dare you use that as an excuse for your jealousy?!" I say. "Yes, my son was not planned, but it wasn't Peeta's fault that we slept together. I went after him! I kissed him first! I put his hands on me! I crawled on top of him and started pulling our clothes off. I slept with him because I loved him. I still love him. I love you too, but no not like I love him. He is my husband Gale! It is time you got over that so we don't just keep running in circles!" I try to push past him but he is too strong.

"He just tried to kill you!" he says and I just shove him away.

"That wasn't him!" I say. "They sent him here to kill me because this place, it messes with his mind. I'm expendable and now, I've lived too long. I know too much. Coin hates me and now, she wants me to die at Peeta's hand. It's not him in control when he does these things. I see it in his eyes when he attacks. He's not the man I fell in love with when he tries to kill me."

I manage to push him away from me long enough to walk away from him and go into the building after the rest of the squad. I find them breaking down walls and fishing out stocks of food that some Capitol citizen had stored away. As I look around, I notice a face missing. Someone who I need more than ever right now.

"Where's Peeta?" I ask. Finnick looks at me with a frown.

"In the closet," he says uncomfortably. I take a step towards him and feel some of that fire that rages in my stomach as do.

"Let me get this strait," I say. "You take someone who is already terrified to the point of him no longer being in control of his own mind and locked him in a dark, musty closet?" No one dares to meet my eyes so I just go over to the closet they had wedged shut with a chair and carefully open it. Peeta falls out of it in a heap and I catch his head before it hits the ground. I kneel down beside him and gently pull his head into my lap. I feel eyes on me, but I don't care. I haven't been able to touch him voluntarily like this for a very, very long time.

What Gale said was true. Peeta just tried to kill me. He could kill me at any time really. But I really don't care. I love him with all my heart. I lean down and kiss his cheek, one of my tears running off my lashes and falling on his face. He stirs slightly and I gently run my fingers through his unruly blonde hair. He blinks open his eyes and looks up at me.

"What are you doing?" he asks and he sits up, pulling away from me.

"I'm taking care of you," I say. He glares at me and it feels like another slap in the face.

"You need to stay away from me," he says. "I'm a ticking time bomb. I want to die Katniss. I should die." I shake my head and try to get near him but he pushes me away. I look at him and feel his eyes burn into me. "I mean it Katniss. I want you safe. The only way you can be safe is if you stay far, far away from me." I nod and gather myself before standing up and walking over to the others. I stop half way and turn back to look at him. He's watching me like a hawk and decide that listening to him is doing nothing for me. I walk back over to him and stand above him.

"You can't make me do anything," I say. "I won't stay away because believe it or not, I still love you. I will not let you kill yourself, nor will I let anyone else hurt you." I see him weigh out the options, and then sigh and hold up a can.

"Take this," he said. "I planned on slitting my wrists with the lid but since I feel like you're gonna watch me like a hawk, you might as well sit here and eat it." I take it from him and read the label, smiling sadly as I find out what it is. "Lamb stew is still your favorite right?" he asks and I nod.

"Yes," I say and sit down next to him, opening the can and using the lid as a spoon so I can eat neatly. "It even has the dried plums like I like it."

I look at him and see a faint smile on his face.

"I remember when you told me you were pregnant," he says, I hold back tears as I realize that that was nearly a year ago to the day. "I remember you crying a lot and pushing me away."

"I was scared," I say. "Really, really scared. I didn't plan on getting out of the arena and I hated the thought of taking your dream from you. If I died, I'd take the baby you wanted so badly with me." I feel tears in my eyes as I remember that hollow feeling in my stomach that was there when I first woke up in Thirteen, after my life had completely fallen to pieces. "But I did that anyways."

"Katniss, I don't thi-" he's cut off as Jackson walks up.

"It's time to go," she says. "We're traveling through tunnels to a safe house."

"Underground," I say, feeling the secret fear only Peeta knows about weighing on my mind. She nods.

"Gather your things," she says coldly, obviously still very sore about Boggs' appointment of me as the keeper of the Holo. "We leave in ten minutes."

And with that, she struts away.