Lost || Jace Herondale

ELEVEN

Jace had walked me home. I was no longer safe alone on the streets of New York with downworlders and demons being drawn to my angelic power. 

 Imogen insisted on keeping the necklace; her excuse being that she had already reported it and too many guards knew of its location. While Jace detested the idea of the necklace, my necklace, being taken - I understood why it had to be done. Imogen handing it back to us would only put a bounty on our heads. A bounty that we didn't need. 

I wondered how little trust the clave must have within their walls for Imogen, of all people, to keep my existence a secret. Although I suppose we had been guilty of the same lies as the only shadowhunters that had previously known what I was, were Jace, Alec and Izzy. Imogen was as pale as a ghost when the silent brothers and Jace confirmed what I was. I still can't bring myself to accept that I'm not human or even of this world.  

The silent brothers wiped the memory of the guard that had escorted us. I tried to convince them otherwise, no one deserved to have their mind medalled with and the guard had shown nothing but pure loyalty to the clave since he arrived at the institute. But I was assured it was necessary, and the guard graciously accepted the consequence of knowing this information and went willingly to the silent brothers.

Jace placed his leather jacket over my shoulders when I shivered from the biting wind as we walked. The warmth of his body heat shot down my spine. I protested, but his muscular, shadowhuter self explained he didn't get cold easily. His scent engulfed me, deterring any unwelcomed eyes. Jace entwined my hand with his and I had never felt safer. 

He had been by my side since we left the silent brothers, giving any reason to touch me in someway. The prospect of losing each other had made us closer and given us truth to the feelings that had been simmering for weeks. We hadn't talked about the kiss, nor did I wish to. I accepted that it may not happen again and it was a 'spur of the moment' kind of thing. Jace didn't seem the type to form attachments with people - but then, I have been wrong about him in the past so perhaps I was wrong about this to. 

We reached my apartment; I made the excuse that the lift was broken so we could take the stairs. Anything to stay with Jace a little longer. But those extra couple of minutes was all it took for bile to rise to my throat as the dread of seeing Elijah again seeped in. Jace must have noticed me hold his hand tighter for he pulled me aside against the wall before my apartment door came into sight. 

"What are you-" I began to ask. 

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you here." Jace's eyes softened to a pleading look that almost made me turn around and walk back to the institute. 

"This is my home Jace," it pained my heart to say it, but he needed to hear it. "I can't leave Elijah." 

Jace's gaze hardened as he sighed in frustration. "We train together almost daily, you have the grace of an angel so I know you are no way near clumsy enough to get the amount of bruises you do. Magnus told me to leave it alone, but I can't anymore. I can't breathe with the thought of you being hurt when there is something I can do to stop it."   

"I was raised with mundanes. So of course I'm going to be clumsy." I joked. The stress of the night had almost made me slip up. Almost. 

"If something is going on. If someone is hurting you, you can tell me. I- we can help you." Jace persisted.

"Everything is fine Jace. I swear it." I started to slip his jacket off of me. 

"Keep it, my scent will disguise yours for if you ever need to leave your apartment." Jace left no room for argument. He pressed his warm lips to my forehead, cupping my face in his hands. Reluctantly, he left the same way we arrived. 

The stairs gave me a flicker of hope that Jace truly did feel the same way as I did. For if I were in his shoes, I too would take the stairs out of the building - only to prolong the time we were close to one another. 

Had I known what would happen that night, perhaps I would have left with Jace. And we both would have walked down the stairs together. And I would have given his jacket back and we would eat dinner at the institute with Alec and Izzy. And had I told Jace there and then what happens behind closed doors, I would never have had to step foot in my apartment again. 

And perhaps things would have been different. 

------------

Elijah told me to clean up. Those were the only words he spoke to me. I couldn't blame him - my hair was a wild mess and my clothes were dirtied in a mixture of sweat, tears and dust. His tone was harsh and his eyes angry. A type of anger that had been simmering all day. I assumed that his temper was too short to talk to me, that perhaps he knew he would do something he'd regret. 

I locked the bathroom door and my muscles released themselves as hot water poured into the acrylic bath and steam fogged the mirror. The late night had frozen itself into my bones so I waited until the bath was almost full before I started to undress. 

I settled into the bath and my body had no time to adjust to the scorching temperature before the door was burst open and my head was under water. 

Elijah. Elijah had broken the door down into the bathroom. Elijah had grabbed a fistful of my hair and forced my body deep, deep, deep into the bath. His other hand pushed on my chest, pushing it down, pushing me down. 

I could only claw and kick and scream until a volcano of bubbles made its way to the surface. 

He lifted my head up, only for a second and all I could do was splutter and cough and gulp in oxygen. "What have I told you about lying to me Freya? Do you see how much control I have over your life?"

And my head was under again. 

Until it wasn't and I was wheezing in air, my lungs screaming for me. Elijah spoke in a sinisterly calm tone. "You've been missing shifts at the pandemonium. Your grades are slipping. You have been fired from the library. Is there anything else you haven't told me?"

"N-No." I choke out, my entire body trembling like it had never before. It was then that I spotted the beads of blood forming on his forearms from where I had scratched him in desperation "I swear." 

Elijah tutted "You seem to be making a lot of promises recently."

Death was going to greet me tonight and I would welcome it with a warm heart and open arms. I wouldn't fight it or disagree with its decision to take me. Water filled my ears, nose and mouth once more. I couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't- 

"Where is your angel father to protect you now?" Elijah pulled my head up for a final time, allowing the weight of his words to sink in. 

My heart stuttered until it stopped and water infiltrated my lungs until it no longer burned.