Lost || Jace Herondale

THIRTEEN

My sore back hit the closed door, my knees gave way and I collapsed onto the bitter cold tiles of the bathroom floor. I clawed at my throat as I struggled to breathe. My lungs burned and my chest ached at the lack of oxygen. My legs attempted to straighten me to a stand despite the severe tremors radiating through my bones.

I managed to grasp the sides of the sink and pry myself up, hunched over and breathing raggedly. I took a peek in my cracked mirror - seeing my puffy eyes and dark bags under them. Suddenly tasting the metallic bitterness of blood, I realised that in my attempt to contain my sobs I had bitten my lip. 

Elijah had never gone that far before. And while I had convinced myself that what he did was  out of necessity - to protect me; a part of me feared the extent he would go to to keep me under control. His control. 

I had given up any hope of sleep after five hours of restless tossing and turning, so going to school in the morning took every ounce of energy out of me. But the prospect of staying at home with him, made me recoil completely. I quickly changed from my tear stained hoodie and jeans that I wore to school and into my pandemonium uniform. I winced as the blouse rubbed against my bruises from yesterday. Luckily it covered everything so no questions would be asked.  

I cupped my hands under the running sink tap, cool water collecting in my palms and dripping onto the ceramic below. I raised the water to my face in an effort to wash away the evidence of my tear stained cheeks. But suddenly my face was submerged in water, with Elijah holding my head down as my lungs burned and gasped and gulped for oxygen. 

I threw myself backwards, my body landing flush against the locked bathroom door. And I was alone. I was alone in the bathroom, wiping my wet hands on my leggings. I felt my hair and cupped my cheeks. Dry. Bone dry accept for the salty tears that had somehow freed themselves again. 

Cracking the bathroom door open, I nervously waited for a few seconds and peak out to make sure the coast was clear. I tiptoed along the short hallway and down the stairs. I braved a quick glimpse into the living room. And as I thought, Elijah was passed out on the couch with a half drunk beer bottle in his hand and several more at his feet. 

I thought I had been quiet. I thought I had been successful in being invisible until Elijah's coarse voice pierced my ears. "Where are you going?"

I half turned, ready with my keys to run though the door if I needed to. "I- I'm going to work. At the pandemonium." The institute. "I just got home from school."

"And you'll be straight home? You won't . . . take any detours?" He questioned.

 "No." Yes. "My shift finishes at 11:30, I'll be home by 12." There is no shift. 

 "You're not lying to me, are you?" He rose from his seat, staggering as he inched closer. 

"No." Yes. "I wouldn't lie to you. Not now." 

"Good." I let out a breath as he turned to the kitchen - most likely to grab another beer. 

I grabbed my light grey trench coat and plugged in my earphones, blasting my music to block out all the voices in my head and the New York bustle. The music calmed my erratic heart, it helped to stop my shaking as I dodged through all the people. And the voices. The voices that had been so insistent since last night. I wished they would leave my mind alone - it was crowded enough. 

I hastily left the apartment and began the walk to the Pandemonium. Institute.

-------------

When I reached the institute, Alec and Jace were showering from an evening's training together. Izzy had ushered me to a corner once she caught the state I was in. "We best not let Jace see you like this, you look like you've seen a ghost. What happened?"