Line Of Fire •L.A•

10. Shadows Come To Play

  Felicity isn't one to celebrate the holidays. They were reminders of what she never had as a child and that wound was the only present she ever got. She usually spent her Christmas at home with a bottle of those holiday sparkling wines. But this year Penelope wouldn't allow that to happen.

So Felicity spent this Christmas, doing a secret Santa with the team and much to her own surprise being caught under the mistletoe with Luke Alvez.  After kissing him on the cheek she felt a little unsure if she had crossed a line. He had been trying to get out of it before she just outright did it. She isn't use to a team that was this close knit, and the thought of potentially ruining her relationship with her friend and fellow agent makes her upset.

But that night as everyone said their goodbyes at the door, they realize Penelope had hung mistletoe right above the entrance. There was a few seconds of amused silence before everyone begin kissing each other on the cheek in goodbye. The girls place kisses on Spencer's cheeks until he is red with embarrassment.

And Rossi kisses everyone on either cheek the Italian way as he states.

Luke places a quick kiss on Felicity's cheek and with a grin he disappears out the door, leaving her smiling wide without a single one of her earlier worries of crossing a line.

She felt bubbly as she drove home that night and as she enters her apartment building. The  doorman, Quinn, smiles at her arrival. "Hello, Felicity."

"Hi Quinn." She grins softly at the older man.

"It's nice to see you so happy."

"It's nice to be this happy." She answers honestly before checking her mailbox. She stiffens as she pulls out a small envelope. Written, in fancy handwriting she recognizes too quickly, was her name and address. She leaves Quinn without saying goodnight, too preoccupied with the letter that is clenched tightly in her hand.

When she is through her apartment door she locks it and takes a seat in the nearest chair, staring at the crumpled letter in her shaky hands.

Regardless of everything inside her yelling at her to stop, Felicity tears open the envelope slowly and pulls out the letter within. Her mother's handwriting jumps out at her. She read the first line, but she doesn't get much further than that. She buries it deep in the bottom of her drawer without even finishing it.

She doesn't get into bed that night, instead she finds the couch and curls up into a ball as the shadows hit her over and over.

You're not a child. Act like it.

You will be punished.

No prayers will help you.

You are a waste of air, Felicity Coben. Kill yourself like your sister killed herself. Kill yourself. KILL YOURSELF.

Felicity cries herself to restless sleep that night. The next morning she's out of bed later than usual, showing up to work 15 minutes past 9,  the briefing had already begin. She gets worried glances as she runs into the briefing room and takes a quick seat by the round table.

"You okay?" JJ is the first to ask what everyone else is thinking.

Felicity manages to contort her face into a small smile. "Yeah, I just slept past my alarm."

They don't seem convinced but they can't spend the whole briefing worrying over her so they move on. She is thankful. She isn't sure how well she'd be able to stay strong if they started scrutinizing her.

After, the team makes plans for that night. "I don't know about y'all but tonight I'm going to have some fun." Tara exclaims throwing an arm around JJ's neck.