Chapter 13

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When you think you’re on top of the world with the life you have, usually something always happens. And that brings you down, back to square one. Back to when you know nothing, you’re insecure, you’re scared.

That, and a call out of nowhere, that tells you to rush to the hospital because someone you love might not make it.

As a surgeon, Becky should be used to this. But she’s not. Suddenly she’s not a surgeon. She doesn’t know anything. She’s a daughter and a sister. And she’s scared.

The doctor approaches Richie and Becky, both of them sitting in the waiting area. They didn’t know until now how hard it is for the families of their patients to just sit and wait. As a doctor it’s difficult to walk up to them and say “We did everything we could, I’m sorry.”. But it’s even worse being in the dark. Where you know nothing. And you can only wait and hope.

Right now, nothing else mattered, not her feelings, not the betrayal. All that mattered was her mum. Someone she loved deeply might not make it. The only factor grounding her was the hands intertwined with hers. Freen has been by her side as she promised. Not even letting go of her hands for once.

“You can see her now. She’s stable.” The doctor says.

“What happened?” Richie asks in a small and tired voice. He felt like a wreck.

“She started coughing blood. We had to rush her to the OR. She had a tear in her oesophagus, which was complicated to repair.”

“Could we talk about other possibilities?” Becky asks.

Richie glances at her in surprise. “Bec..”

"Yes, Richie, I know what mum said, that she doesn't want to continue her treatments, but if she won’t fight, then I will. I can’t give up on her.”

“Do you think I want to? You know as well as me that it’s her decision. And we both know why she thinks she deserves this."

"Me, isn't it? I'm the fucking problem. I'm the reason dad left, I'm the reason our mum ignored us, I'm just a stupid fucking mistake she made." Becky snapped taking everyone by surprise. Especially Freen who had no idea what was happening, why she said what she said. She immediately regains her composure not wanting to force Becky to share anything with her. She will stay by her side as long as Becky allows her to.

Becky sighs and tries to hold back the tears. Freen squeezes her hand in reassurance.

Freen places both hands on her shoulders to comfort her and gives her a kind smile. “Go talk to her.”

"I'll be right here." Freen says urging Becky to go inside.

As they walk into the room, their mom opens her eyes and tries to force a smile. She tries to talk, but her throat still hurts, so her voice comes out as a whisper.

“How are you feeling?” Richie asks holding her hand.

Rachel closes her eyes and nods lightly, still smiling. Becky thinks it could mean “I’m fine.” or “I’m not fine, but it’s okay.” And she hates it.

“Mom..we should think about other possibilities. Other treatments. The trial...”

Richie takes her hand and squeezes it, she shakes her head as a no. And Becky hates that too.

“Mum..”

“Think..like a doctor.” Rachel forces herself to say.

"I’m not a doctor right now, I’m your daughter and you’re my mum. And despite whatever shit happened in our lives, I'm not ready to lose you.” She starts sobbing.

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