Nick and Charlie mpreg

13. We have to be us first before we can be anything, charlie

[tw: deep conversations, mental health, talk of feelings, talk of past(Charlie's past), panic attack, anxiety, body image issues, voices

...that's a lot of warnings, strap in yall🤠

(I really enjoyed writing this chapter xx)

Charlie spring:

Me and Nick went upstairs to lay in bed.

I was now nestled between his arms, our legs intertwined as we peacefully looked into one another's eyes. "How are you feeling?" He blurted out, looking at me with deep affection.

I let out a sigh and frowned, "how am I supposed to feel?" I laughed sadly. Nick grabbed my hand, kissing it then resting it between us both.

"Talk to me, love" he said. "I mean, I'm just anxious. You see all these couples splitting up after having a baby and...I don't want that to be us". My voice started to crack, my words becoming raw.

"Oh Charlie" he sighed.

"I don't want that to be us Nick!" I snapped, he raised an eyebrow at me, "I'm sorry ?"

"I don't want that to be us ! I don't want to have to- to fucking bring the baby to your house on the weekends. I don't want this baby to tear us apart !" I'm sobbing now, my eyes frantically darting around the room.

"Charlie-"

"No."

I got up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Char-".Nick reached out to grab my hand and I pushed it away.

"I'm taking a shower" I said coldly, getting up and walking out the room quietly.
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I turned on the shower and spun around to see my reflection staring at me in the fogged mirror.

I wiped it, removing the condensation from the shower and then it hit me.

I'm so big.

The purple stretch marks laced up my sides made me feel sick and how outwards my stomach stood out was hideous. I looked like a joke, an actual joke. I began crying, sliding down the counter and crumbling into a ball, why am I like this?

I just wanted this baby out of me, I wanted things to be how they were, everything was perfect.

"Charlie?" Nick called.

Ignore it Charlie, ignore it.

"Charlie ? Come on, I'm not joking anymore, I just want to know your okay"

Don't listen, he thinks you're so ugly.

"Charlie, I get your pissed off but you need to open this door before I do myself".

He won't do it, you're not worth his time.

All of a sudden the bathroom door crashed open, slamming against the wall. Nick stood, beads of sweet dripping from his forehead.

"I'm sorry Nick" I mumbled.

"Come on". He said, "I know you're not showering, you showered three hours ago, let's go talk this through, okay?".

Me and Nick sat down on our bed in silence, my fingers fidgeting in my lap.

"Do you want to speak first?" He asked, I looked up at him. "If that's okay with you?". "This is a safe space Charlie, of course you can". I cleared my throat and sat up straight.

"You mean so much to me Nick, I love you so deeply. I don't want this baby to affect us and our relationship, I don't want to loose what we have".

"Charlie, I fucking love and adore you so much it hurts my chest. I want nothing more than to be a dad, but only to our child. I wouldn't want this with anybody else but you. We won't loose what we have as long as work continuously hard to achieve the goals of communicating with one another, we have to be us before we can be anything,Charlie ".

"I'm sorry for walking out on you earlier without saying anything, it was rude and uncalled for".

"I'm sorry for not validating your feelings and listening to you first".

"I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry"

"Want to cuddle?"

"Yes".

I soon began to feel myself drift off within the comfort of nicks arms. His coconut-scented smell making me feel content and reconciling my anxious thoughts and worry's.

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Nick Nelson:

Last night was hectic, well a couple hours ago.

Charlie's words really impacted my head, making me think deeper about the recent conversation we had about us and what was best for us moving forward.

I had no words about us until this point forward, until it hit me that we were going to be parents and have full custody and control over an actual living human.

It struck like lightning on my mind and began to make me feel anxious. I pushed  the emotions back down me as I had bigger things to focus on such as sleep.

I put my phone down and attempted to shut my eyes, I then fell asleep.

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Two hours later:

"Nick" a panicked voice said, "Nick!"

I jumped awake, looking beside me and seeing Charlie frantically pacing up and down our bedroom. "Charlie, are you okay?" I grumbled half asleep.

"Nick, I need you to wake up" his voice trembled, he sounded like he'd just seen a ghost. "I am" I say up and rubbed my eyes with my fists.

"What's the matter- holy shit." I said, staring at the massive wet patch on his plaid pyjama trousers. "Babe, did you piss yourself?"

"NO YOU FUCKING PLEB, MY WATERS BROKE". My eyes expanded. "WHAT?"

"We need to go to the hospital now-HOLY MOTHER OF SHITTT" he lent over, holding onto his knees. "Char stay there, I'm just gonna get the car keys and hospital bag!!".

I ran down the hallway, grabbing the bag and then ushering Charlie out our house and into the car.

I darted through the traffic, going through a couple red lights. "Are you okay, Charlie?"

"Mmmmhhmmmm" he mumbled, clearly in too much pain to talk".

The time was exactly 3:34am, the street lights still beaming yellow strikes onto the roads ahead.

We arrived at the hospital and I practically dragged Charlie in, holding him under his arm pit.

"Hello?"

"hi, my boyfriends in labour !" I said in an anxious tone.

"okay, bring him with us!".

They took us into a ward and checked over Charlie. Unfortunately, he was only 3cm dilated. They packed him up on pain killers and gas and air which made him extremely loopy. "Nickkk" he whined.

"Yes baby?"

"I want Tori". "She's on her way sweetheart".

"Mkay".

"Nick"

"Yes"

"I love your arms"

I looked down to see myself wearing grey sweat pants and a plain white vest. "And what do you love about my arms, Charlie?"

"They're big and-and strong" he giggled, "are you my husband?" He asked, clearly out his mind.

"Hopefully soon baby".