It's been a couple days without my usual routines. I'm not in solitary as often as Minho. I'm not allowed to have my usual medicine or anything along those lines. Just my IED meds, no anxiety or schizophrenia meds...
Today Chan had to go help with Heeseung and he left me all alone. I debated on screaming or not but I decided not to.
I do some dances, and I sing until I'm tired. But y'know... when someone with schizophrenia is tired things start to go wrong.
I look to my side and I see a man standing in the corner. He doesn't move or anything he just stares at me. "So... you come here often?" I ask.
He nods and stays stationary. I get up and walk over. "Are you going to stay with me?" I ask. He nods and doesn't move any further, AGAIN.
God he's so annoying, ima name him Hyunjin! Ah perfect name. "I am hungry... are you?" He shakes his head no.
"Okay, I still want food though." I walk over to my door.
"I'm hungry~" I whisper through the crack. "I'm hungry!~" I say a bit louder.
"IM HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!" I yell. That clearly got someone's attention cause I hear footsteps.
"Hey, let's use our inside voices." Miyeon says before walking away. A couple minutes later she opens the door and hands me a cup of noodles.
"I can't give you utensils, I'm sorry buddy." She waves before walking out the room and locking the door.
"Gosh Hyune, can you believe this?" He just stands there. "I don't like this! How does Minho do this all the time?" I whine.
Hyunjin just stands there and his mouth opens like a foot long. "Oh-" I say as I walk towards him. "You good man?-" I inspect the damage but nothings too wrong.
His head cracks into a 360° turn before he falls to his knees. I back up quickly before running to the other side of the room.
I hear the sounds of bones breaking before he starts crawling towards me. I scream and run to get away from him.
I start banging on the door, "HELP ME! HELP ME!" I yell but there's no answer.
He's getting closer, I jump on to my bookshelf but it falls to the ground. "MIYEON PLEASE HELP ME!" I yell, but there's no answer.
He gets on top of me and his teeth are bigger than my face. Tears roll down my cheeks as I continue to scream. "HELP ME-" I croak, I've screamed so loud that my voice is giving out.
But just before I give up the door opens. "What's wrong?" Seungmin asks as he walks in. "Are you okay binnie?" He sits me up on the bed and looks around me room.
"What happened?" He asks as he begins to fix up the room. "I think I just had a hallucination, don't worry..." I whisper.
"Okay, I'm going to tell Chan." He says before walking out the room.
Well shit, I can't believe Hyune betrayed me like that. Hoe for real.
I lay on my right side cause my left would cause me to bleed out, I'm not too mad at Minho anymore... but that might be the medicine talking.
I mean hey, he's a lot more crazy than me. I didn't kill my father.
It's a couple of minutes before Chan arrives. He has his clipboard and he has Soyeon standing next to him.
"I asked Jamie if we can start you back up on your medication, and she agreed." Soyeon says as she pulls out a glass of water with various medications.
She leaves the room to Chan and I. "So what happened?" He asks as he prepares my medicine. "I'm not sure... it seemed nice at first." I say as I take the first pill. "Then it got scary." I say as I take the second pill.
"It chased me around and was so close to killing me." I say as I take my last pill. "I'm just glad you're here."
Minho~
I've been in this stupid jacket way too many times this year. It's fair if they make Changbin wear the mits, but they won't. Cause he's their favorite. Obviously, he's not a stupid psycho like me.
Jisung has come and gone, he can now leave me alone because I have the jacket on. I understand it's a punishment but I don't understand why.
It was a call for help and Yuna just didn't care. If Jay wasn't there would she have just let me bleed? Let me die? Oh how I wish.
I've not been able to have a group therapy session in a while. Cause y'know this stupid punishment. I know it was my fault how this all happened, I just can't control it.
I feel like they are so patient with everybody but me. I'm the only patient who they've said, "What is wrong with you!" Yeah. They never say that.
Why can't I just be like Felix or Heeseung? Why am I this psychotic bitch?... none of it makes sense to me.
What if this never happened? I'd be a little farmer boy with a husband and a future planned out for me. Fuck, maybe if even have kids! But no. I'm stuck here. With no one to actually love me and no one who understands me.
Well that's me being stupid... Of course Changbin and Soojin understand... but I am so much worse than them... I killed someone god dammit!
If it weren't for me Heeseung and Felix would not be here either! Fuck I should just die. But hahaha they won't let that happen. They'll just put me in another room by myself and force me to wear a jacket. They let Changbin outside don't they? Why can't I?
Even if I tried to escape they'd find me again, and again, and again. I love Jisung don't get me wrong... I just wish he could love me back.
You're welcome, you get a 1000+ word chapter.
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And chat how do we recover from this?...
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