The Beauty in Time

5

೫𝙴𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚊೫

I feel a little sluggish today as I shuffle up and down the aisles of the library, but I smile through it. I try to put a little skip in my step and politely smile at anyone I make eye contact with.

Because that's what you do when you've had three bad days in a row. You smile and you keep going because that's all you can really do. Because no one else is there to do it for you, so you do it yourself and hope and pray that the bad day streak stops.

I take a deep breath when I get into an empty aisle. It's shaky and I shake my head as I do it, pulling my hair back to tie it up in a ponytail. I let it go and clear my throat, moving on to the next aisle to make sure all of the books are in their correct shelves.

My streak started with the children's home. The day after that, my tire blew out on the way to work. I had to Uber to work and leave my freakin' car on the side of the road to get towed all on its own because I couldn't be late. I'm covering for Tory this week. The next day, I not only had to take my car to get fixed, but I also realized I now have a leak in my ceiling, for some reason. I think it's the apartment above me.

So, I had to get maintenance to come over and had to lock Dizzy away in the bathroom because if I put her outside, she'll jump across to Matthew's balcony. When I got back home, he was still in my apartment and had multiple other men inside with him. Apparently, it takes more than one to fix a leaky roof. So, Dizzy and I spent the night away because I was afraid of the roof caving in or something.

Yesterday was the worst. Yesterday, I came home, and my leak was fixed, but my manager also yelled at me for no reason whatsoever. He just likes to yell, I think. I wasn't late or anything, but I apparently checked a book that wasn't supposed to be checked out to someone. And somehow, being yelled at is worse than getting a leak in my ceiling and getting a flat tire on the freeway.

It really doesn't sound like a lot now that I'm really thinking about it. Maybe a little crappy stuff has happened over the past three days, it shouldn't be enough to make me want to start crying right in the middle of the goddamn library, but it does. For whatever reason, this is pushing me over the edge. I can't breathe. It's getting hard to. And there's this constant pressure behind my eyes and in my chest as well as my shoulders, for some reason. I don't know why my shoulders are affected, but they are.

It's like a never ending feeling I physically feel in my body. The lump in my throat is always there and hasn't gone away since I got home from the children's home.

I can't figure out what's wrong with me. It's not like I've never been stressed out before. I feel alone but I know I'm not. Jamie and Tory are right there. I just haven't talked to them about the pressure. The constant pressure.

I talked to Dizzy though. She didn't have much to say for me.

My breaths come out sharp and shallow, closing my eyes to compose myself in the middle of a new aisle. I don't know which one I'm in, but it doesn't matter when I'm resting my palms on one of the shelves, leaning against it with my head down.

"Uhm, hello?"

I perk up immediately. I smile at the little girl who stands just a few feet from me. "Hi." I greet her back and blink a couple of times. "What can I help you with, honey?" I ask, fixing my colorful sweater a little.

She gives me a little smile back. "Can you tell me where Percy Jackson is?" She asks.

I nod quickly. "Absolutely." I agree, adding a quiet laugh. "Here, why don't you follow me?" I hum, starting to turn to leave the aisle. She quickly hurries after me. "So, are you super into that series?" I ask her as we go through the library.