The Beauty in Time

15

೫𝙴𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚊೫

When I was nine, my mom and I moved out of our apartment and into a man's home. He wasn't my dad, but that didn't matter. My dad wasn't around anyway, didn't make much of a difference.

The man wasn't exactly my mom's boyfriend, but they behaved like a couple. They kissed, they hugged, told each other they loved one another, but they weren't quite dating. I still don't know why we were there or what their relationship was. I don't care.

We stayed with that man for a long time—A whole year. By the time that year was up, I was being put in a home and my mom...she wasn't doing anything to get me back. I think she hated me.

I've never told anyone about it. Actually, not even Tory and Jamie know. They don't even know I was with my mom until I was ten.

And now, Matthew is the only one who knows.

I don't know why I told him that. It was so random, I didn't really think about it until I was mumbling it out. I didn't even mean to blurt out that he was reminding me of her. It was such a small thing too. So, my mom used to be a little worrisome. That had nothing to do with Matthew.

I try not to think about her. Thinking about her doesn't change anything about what happened in that year. It doesn't give me her phone number or any social media. It changes nothing so I just try not to think about it anymore. Not too much, anyway.

I know I need to be more careful now though. If I mention her again in front of Matthew, he'll no doubt have questions. I know I would. I can't risk him asking the wrong questions. If he were to somehow figure out what happened that year, he'd be horrified. He'd request a new apartment. Wouldn't want to live across from me anymore. Wouldn't even want to look at me.

I really do like Matthew. I don't want to lose him like that. It's easier to simply keep that gray area of my life hidden away, just like I have with Jamie and Tory. Neither of them has asked me anything. There's no reason to. I can't give Matthew a reason.

So, I am going to act as normal as possible. He'll forget I ever even told him.

"Hey," I call out, poking my head out the sliding glass door.

Matthew quickly looks over at me. His eyes get wide the moment he sees me.

My eyes narrow. "Yeah, I caught you." I murmur, coming further out. "You cheater." I gasp at the cigarette in between his fingers.

"To be fair," Matthew smiles that smile that has me thinking about letting him get away with this. "I haven't had one all week."

"All week?" I gasp again. "You had one last week?"

Matthew sighs out what smoke is left in his lungs and reaches over to put it out. "All right, I'm sorry." He smiles still. "At least I'm down to once a week."

I sigh deeply as I realize that's fair. "Baby steps." I agree. Matthew quickly nods. "So, you got my cat, right?" I coax, raising a brow at him.

Matthew nods. "Asleep inside."

"Can I come over?"

"Always." He grins and turns away to go back inside.

I smile to myself and hurry back inside to meet him at the door. I don't bother putting shoes on, showing off my very fuzzy and colorful socks. I grin even wider at him the moment he opens the door for me.

His eyes drop to my pretty socks immediately. "Oh, these are my favorite." Matthew hums, nodding at them.

I laugh and look down. "Me too." I agree. They're all warm and fuzzy inside.