The Beauty in Time

38

೫𝙴𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚊೫

I think I made the wrong call. In the beginning when I said yes to drinks with my neighbor—I think I chose to do the wrong thing.

I didn't listen to my friends when they told me it was a date. Dismissed them stubbornly when they suggested that maybe I should keep the promise I made in the heat of the moment at twelve in the morning last year to myself. And then when that date—it was a date—ended, I had the nerve to actually ask my neighbor if he'd just wait for my stupid promise's deadline to come before he asked me out on another date.

I shouldn't have asked that. I will say it until I'm blue in the face—I should not have asked him to wait for me like that. That was way too much way too soon, and it really just wasn't needed.

Even though it was fucking insane of me to ask this practical stranger to wait for me to be ready, he did wait for me. I'm grateful that he did, don't get me wrong. I'm happy with where we've gotten because of his patience. But if I could do it all over again, I'd never ask him to wait. That was wrong of me.

But it's over now. I can't turn back time, and I could take it back now, but there'd be no point. It's over.

I end up sleeping in which was not the plan. Undeterred, when I do finally wake up, I jump out of bed and hop into the shower. I'm sure to do something more with my hair than a ponytail or a halfhearted bun. I put on my best colorful sweater and the shorts I always catch Matt eyeing even though it's kind of cold out today.

I knock on his door even though I could just storm right in because—Surprise! The total stranger I got drinks with forever ago has trusted me with his door code.

But I have manners, so I wait after knocking at the door. I wait for a few seconds. Then those seconds feel like they've been minutes, so I knock again. And then I wait some more.

After a while, I discover I don't have Matt's patience. So, I enter his code and stroll right in because that's what we do now. Sometimes I wake up to him just hanging out in my apartment—It's scary as hell sometimes but it's just what we do.

"Matthew?" I call out once I'm inside. Maybe he's sleeping and I wake him by calling out to him, but I can't walk in and just not say anything.

Cujo grumbles from down the hall before he comes shuffling over through the open door of Matt's bedroom. Cautiously, I wander down the hall towards it. Cujo stops halfway there, standing there lazily while I poke my head into Matthew's bedroom.

It's empty. I frown because our apartments aren't exactly huge, and I've pretty much explored all there is to explore. I don't walk further into Matthew's room, so maybe he's hiding from me in the closet. I kind of doubt it though.

"Where's Matt, Cujo?" I ask, frowning. Maybe I should've called him before I showed up. "Hm." I sigh, looking around the living room of his very empty apartment. "Come on, buddy." I beckon on my way to the door. Cujo follows me slowly, allowing me to just kidnap him with ease.

It's New Year's Eve, and we both know what that means. But he's not home, and when I decide to do what I should've done in the first place—calling him—he doesn't pick up. I leave a message, trying to be casual as I ask if he's got any plans today. Maybe we could go grab something to eat.

While I wait for a response, there's nothing to do but just sit on my couch and...I don't know. I guess wait for him. I don't want to do anything else but be with him today.