The Beauty in Time

19

೫𝙴𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚊೫

"Okay...Well, call me when you need me."

When I need her? Fucking seriously?

I try not to scoff at my best friend who means no harm with her offer. Jamie smiles at me and rubs my arm before she turns to leave. I shut the door behind her immediately. I didn't want to open the door for her in the first place, but she caught me with the whole I know you're in there, your car is in the parking lot thing. At that point I couldn't pretend not to be home anymore, so I just opened it.

I'm using my saved up vacation time for anything but a vacation. Laying in bed all day with hair I haven't brushed or washed in nearly two weeks isn't what I'd call a vacation. It's hell, actually. Complete hell that I want out of.

I think everything from the last year has finally caught up with me. My relationship problems, my long days, the overwhelming urge to smile twenty-four/seven—especially when I don't want to smile. Now that it's all caught up with me, it sits on my chest. It's just...there now. And I can't shake it.

I'm going to need to soon though. I'm running out of vacation time.

Also, I miss my friends. Even the one I just wanted to scoff at. Especially the one who lives across the hall from me. I think one of my friends might be able to help me. I sit down and think about it even though I think I know which one I want to get here first.

Tory's not great at emotions, I'll just make them uncomfortable. Jamie not only just left my apartment, but I also think that if I called her back over I might snap at her. And Matthew...he's not home yet.

I drop down onto the couch and sit around while I wait to hear the chime the door makes when you pull up the pin options.

__________

I never really was good at asking for help when I needed it. It always felt like too much of an inconvenience. Even when I was assured and believed it wasn't, I always knew it'd be awkward to receive help. That was mostly for homework stuff though.

When I hear the door across the hall finally chime, I remember this stupid fact about myself. And I'm forced to figure out how to ask him for help.

I know he's going to help me. I just have to let him know that I'm ready for it.

Dizzy cries at me when I snatch her up. She's been glued to my side constantly, so immediately starts squirming when she realizes I'm going to leave her outside. But she stops when I do right in front of the door.

"Go get Matthew." I order as I slide the door open. Dizzy still stares up at me when I drop her down on the ground before I turn away from her and walk back over to the couch. I can feel her eyes on me the whole way to the couch. For a while, I ignore her. When I do finally look back at the door, she's gone.

It takes her five minutes to catch his attention somehow. I don't know how she does it, but she does. And it's only a matter of time before I hear his door shut and a knock at mine. It takes me an extra second to finally push up from the couch and shuffle towards the door.

Matthew stands there, waiting for me to open the door. I check the peep hole even though I know it's him. It's just to try to figure out if he's mad at me for ignoring him though, honestly. He doesn't seem like he's mad at me. He's busy glancing down the hall though, so who knows.

Before I open the door, I realize I can hear them. Dizzy meows at Matthew excessively, probably telling him about how disgusting I look. I pulled my hair up in a bun, but honestly it still doesn't look great.