Twilight {-Remus Lupin x Reader-}

9: Not Very Well

{-Y/N L/N-}

Okay...
Something is wrong with Remus.

I mean, I've always known he wasn't normal. He's covered in scars, for God's sake! He's always been a little wary of people he doesn't know. And really secretive.

But since Hogsmeade, he was a little off.

He was looking tired and pale. He kept fidgiting and just being jittery in general.

Wednesday was the worst though.

In the morning, James and Peter arrived without the other two Marauders.

I was already sitting by Alice and Lily, so I shuffled towards them.

"Where's Remus? I haven't seen him much this week."

"Oh!" James flushed instantly, avoiding my gaze. "He's- Uh- It's-"

"He's not feeling very well," Peter saved his friend.

"Oh? Has he seen Madam Pomfrey?"

"Nah, not yet. He'll be okay."

Right on cue, Remus walked in.

And he looked horrible.

He squinted at the light of the Great Hall, and covered his ears softly at the chatter. His jumper sleeves were stretched to cover up his hands - something he does whenever he's nervous or upset. The dark bags under his eyes stood out against the pale skin, as his scars did too.

Sirius walked beside him, guiding him gently to the other side of the table.

"Alright, Rem?" I asked quietly.

He nodded. The other three helped make his breakfast for him, which he barely ate. I couldn't help but notice them stealing little tiny things from the table and hiding them.

During charms, the three boys shielded him and protected him. Whenever he wanted to rest his head or started to fidgit, they would cause some kind of disruption to take the attention away from him.

The same pretty much went for any other lessons. In Potions, Sirius almost blew up a cauldron so Slughorn wouldn't notice that his friend had fallen asleep. And strangely, whenever they did so in Transfiguration, Professor McGonagall would just brush them off or ignore them completely.

In Defense though, Professor Fell split up him and James, so I took the chance to talk to him.

I tapped his shoulder softly. He flinched, before lifting his head off the desk.

"Sorry," I winced. "I just wanted to see if you're okay?"

"Mh-hm."

His knee was bouncing under the table, his writing was scratchy and messy and his fingernails had been chewed so far down that there were teeth marks on his fingertips.

"Peter said you weren't feeling well. Have you talked to Madam Pomfrey?"

He nodded repeatedly. "Yeah, she knows."

"Isn't there anything she can do?"

He shook his head.

"Is there anything I can do?"

His face softened. After a moment's hesitation, he dropped his head onto my shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I feel crap," he whined quietly.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder - which felt strange, since he was nearly a full foot taller than me. Thank Merlin, we sat in the back of the room.

"It's okay. Can you tell me why you don't feel well?"

He shook his head. "'M sorry."

"That's fine. What can I do to help you?"

"I haven't slept."

I looked at Professor Fell, rambling on about Grindylows.

"I'll take notes for you."

He smiled at me thankfully. I lowered his head into my lap with my robes as a pillow. Quite soon he was snoring softly.

At the end of the lesson, I tapped him lightly, took his hand and guided him to the Great Hall.

The Marauders looked surprised when I copied what they'd been doing at breakfast: stealing little bits of food for him and talking softer than usual.

Afterwards, the other boys agreed to sneak me into the tower to help tale care of Remus; he hadn't let go of my hand since Denfense.

We were making our way through a less used corridor, getting closer to the dorms when someone cleared their throat behind us.

"Excuse me, Miss L/n," a Scottish voice said sharply.

I winced. Shit. McGonagall.

"Yes, Professor?" I responded, turning around slightly.

"Care to tell me what you're doing, on the opposite side of the castle to where you are supposed to be at this time of day?"

I spun fully around, as James, Sirius and Peter slunk into the shadows.

"Er- well, you see, Professor, I was- uh..."

Remus moaned softly, bringing her gaze down to his head on my shoulder. Her eyes widened slightly, before she sighed.

"I expect you back in your own dorm before midnight tonight. Is that clear?"

I blinked. "Uh, yeah. Thank you, Professor."

I nodded awkwardly and met up with the boys.

"Right," I whispered, "I'm fine helping Remus and everything, but I need to understand what's wrong."

They exchanged guilty looks.

"We can't..." James admitted quietly.

"Why not?"

"He doesn't like people knowing," Peter said.

"Guys, it's me! Whatever it is, I'm a brilliant secret keeper. And whatever it is, it's not gonna change how I see him."

Remsu whined, suddenly wrapping his arm around my waist and shaking his head.

"Hey, hey... it's alright," I murmured, stroking his hair.

"Please..."

I sighed. "Fine. C'mon. You need sleep."

The five of us returned to his dorm and I pulled him into his bed. He curled into my side and nestled himself against me. I stroked his hair gently.

"Y/n," he mumbled.

"Yeah, Rem?"

"Pl'se don't b'ther them. 'Bout this."

"It's alright. If you don't me to know, I won't pester you anymore. But just know, I'm your friend and I won't judge you whatever it is."

He smiled a little and pressed himself closer. It didn't take long for him to sleep and I - with much reluctance - returned to my own room for midnight.

Everything with Remus was so... complicated.

Why did I have to like him so much? He's one of my best friends!

Why does he have to be so hard to read? I can read the other boys like an open book, so why is he so challenging?

Why does he need to keep secrets from me? He knows that nothing he says will change how I see him.

I buried my face in my hands and groaned, laid on my back in bed.

"Fuck."