TNT Short Fics

Still, the yearning stays - Part 2

A/N This part mentions this from Miss Americana: "My life had never been better. I had won Album of the Year at the Grammys for a second time, which I never thought was a possibility. And I remembered thinking afterward... "Oh, my God, that was all you wanted. Oh, God, that was all you wanted. That was all you focused on." You get to the mountaintop and you look around, and you're like, "Oh, God. W-What now?" I-I didn't have a partner that I climbed it with that I could, like, high-five. I-I didn't have anyone I could talk to who could relate to what I was... what... what I... you know? I had my mom, but... I just wondered... "Shouldn't... shouldn't I... shouldn't I have someone that I could call right now?"'

Taylor checks her phone for the third time as they pull up to her house after the Grammys. Seeing nothing from him, she looks up, catching Aaron's eye as she does so. She smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"No luck?" he asks. If it were Jack asking, she would make an excuse, but Aaron never judges.

"No. He probably is busy," she shrugs, hoping she looks nonchalant about it. "He said something about a meeting. It's morning over there. I'm sure he'll call later."

"Taylor," he starts, but she cuts him off.

"I better go check that everything is set up."

She tries to put thoughts of who is missing out of her mind. There may not be afterparties this year, but she's put together a backyard hang-out complete with fire pits and covered open-air tents so that those who are able to make it can finally celebrate their work on folklore and evermore together. And that is going to be her focus tonight if she can just turn her mind off.

She walks through the kitchen and sees everything is well on its way so she heads upstairs to change. Once she closes the door, she leans back against it, and just for a moment, she lets herself feel the disappointment.

She was sure she was past this—past this loneliness. She even insinuated as much in the Miss Americana documentary for the whole world to know. But here she is again, at the mountaintop, and...she's alone.

Of course, she has Jack and Aaron. Of course, she has her family. She has the most amazing friends and colleagues who are blowing up her phone as she stands here. She doesn't want to discount all of the support she does have. But the truth is she still doesn't have that one person who is there for it all, who is climbing this mountain with her. Who holds her hand and cheers her on....the worst part is that she thought she did. But here she is at another Grammys—alone.

She's been lonely all her life. As a little kid, she felt outside of the other kids, living in the stories in her head while they played Pokemon or hide and seek. Once she discovered music and writing she became the weird girl who spent weekends learning the guitar and making demo tapes. Her mom became her best friend, her only friend. It wasn't until the move to Nashville that she felt like she had friends. Yet even then, outside of Abigail, she always felt like she was playing a part to get people to like her.

Once she was famous... Well, that brought on a whole new type of loneliness. It came with people who pretended to like her to get their few minutes in the spotlight. Or worse, people she was sure were the best of friends but who were willing to betray her for something better. And then there were the people who she thought loved her but only loved the idea of her.

She's made friends who stuck with her through thick or thin: Selena, Blake, Gigi, and others. And she believed Joe to be a part of that too. But lately...lately it seems like maybe he liked the hurt girl who hid away from the world better than the her of here and now.

She sniffs, wipes away the only tear she's going to let fall about this, and goes to change. She makes up her mind that she is going to focus on what she does have. The best collaborators a musician could ask for, an amazing team, and friends ready to celebrate their success tonight.