TNT Short Fics

The Year of Yes Part - 2

Saying yes to standing up for yourself

December 2022

Her feet pounding on the treadmill, the burn in her lungs from attempting to sing, the sweat pouring down her back, all ground her in ways she has not felt in almost two years. Three months into training for the Eras Tour, she feels more alive than ever. Yes, she feels like she might die when they ramp up her conditioning every few days. And her mind still rebels from the sudden shift into basically training as if she is a professional athlete. But her body-she feels more in her body, more at one with her body than she has ever in her life. It is strong. It can take the hard work and adapt and then go further.

Now if she could get her head in the game that would be great.

The timer on the treadmill beeps and she starts to drop her speed. She's done for the day but part of her wants to keep going. Wants to stay in this space where the work is hard, but the rewards are high.

"Great job today, Taylor." her trainer says, high-fiving her. "I think we can get through the full setlist by the end of the year."

"Awesome. Now if I can just not sound like I'm being chased by a murderer while singing, that would be great."

"You've got plenty of leeway to get there. You'll be belting it out in no time. A year from now, you'll have done the show so much that you won't even remember it being this hard. Now get out of here and enjoy your day"

"Thanks, Kirk." She grabs her things and heads for the back entrance. She can change at home rather than worrying about it here.

*****
Taylor leaves looking at her phone until she's safely at home. Spending long hours at the gym gives her space to think but also avoid. And she's been avoiding the argument she is sure is brewing. Looking at the most recent text proves she was right.

Just landed. I really think you should reconsider.

She sighs and puts her phone down again, choosing instead to grab a water and a snack from the fridge. They have been going round and round on this all week. Joe wants them back in London for the holidays, but she wants to have Christmas in New York.

I need to be here for tour stuff. Plus, I miss New York during the holidays. Let's stay here and find some fun things to do. And my family can come to us for Christmas Dinner. It will be great, I promise.

She does not have to wait long for his reply.

You know we can't do anything. We won't be left alone. I don't want all that in my face.

She sighs. The familiar heavy weight of all that she brings with her-all the noise and chaos starts to press down.

But then she remembers a couple of months ago. Her group of friends cheering when she walked into the restaurant once she was able to join the girls' weekend. Of them surrounding her when they left for the evening in case others were watching. Ashley dashing her fears about anyone seeing them with a loud, "Fuck them, Taylor! We'll just all hold hands and get through the mob. We don't care as long as you're with us."

And suddenly, she is done being the cause of all the problems. She is tired of being an excuse.

I'm staying here. I don't care about the attention. I don't care if there are cameras. We have to live our life and if they are there, then they are there. I'm done hiding from life.

What about what I want?

You have known for 6 years that I come with this. This isn't news. If that is not something you can handle, then you need to assess that for yourself. I'm done making myself small just so someone won't take a photo of us together.

Her hands shake as she hits send. Maybe all of that is selfish to say, but this is her reality, always has been. She loves him. She loves him so much but she can't love this away. And she is starting to believe she does not want to. That maybe she owes it to herself to expect more from someone. Expect them to want to give her as much peace as she wants to give them.

That's all you have to say?

Her mind finally feels as though it is catching up to her body, growing stronger. Just like weight training or hours on the treadmill building her endurance, she is ready to start building her mind and her heart back from the ground up...without him.

Yes.

She puts the phone down once again. She is done with this conversation. She isn't interested in having an argument, a very old, tired argument. He needs to figure his shit out, not her. She needs someone who will stand by her side. And if he can't?

She is done.