letters to my ex

again, him

One fine day, or maybe not a fine day, it all will end, for anything that started regardless of it being nice or awful, will end certainly.
When it ends isn't important here, what is, the very fact that, it is ending.
It wouldn't be appropriate for you all to percept me as a nihilistic,negative and a cynic at this very instant, for it gives me immense agony to realize the fact that started this piece of writing.
I'd say you can not call me the typical exhausted-of-life person writing to vent out and exude the lifelessness inside of me but you may believe that when it ends, it would grieve me more than most of you because you know, one can just never experience enough of this wonderful thing that happened to all of us, that makes you able to read this (of course not English education),here, I talk of life.   
Most of us go through a number of quotes on life everyday in a quotidian manner, but very few of us take a break to feel ourselves alive; now that isn't taking a long breath and stretching our arms outwards.
In this enormity of everything around us, we mean nothing to anything, yet mean everything to ourselves and to some.
Will we ever realize that of countless chances there was a probability for you(the reader of course) to exist and it wouldn't make any difference either way?
We might never know how it all started perhaps but it did and we're here and that's what only matters now.
Our entire civilization's beginning, the dynamics of culture, the developed languages, the customs, the sentiments that developed, the Gods and the beliefs we kept above us, the sciences we formulated, the theories we wrote, the stories and the novels we wrote and read, so much life gave us, only to take it away ultimately?
It's simply so disturbing to think of it all without all of it.
In this vast conjuration of space and time we're terribly infinitesimal beings,  slightly able to think beyond our mere survival to the dark, unexplored, inaccessible, unimaginable abysses present in our universe.
There are countless things that we've faced, there are countless things that we'll yet learn along the way,
yet there will be countless things that we'll never know, one just can never get enough of it, no matter
what duration of time they're given, at last the end haunts every absolute wish of ours.
Save our successors, save humanity, save the Earth, not even a particle is going to stay till the end
of it all, everything will decay down to the last remaining particle into the void and there will be
absolutely nothing to remind anyone of anything beautiful that existed once in this universe.
There will prevail an eternal darkness that will know no end and it'll be desolated forever, with no relics
no archived papers, nothing at all from the past will be remnant.
Welp, it's all gonna end and we don't do anything about it and we wouldn't do anything about it.
When the end approaches, the last of us who'd be left with some  love for the wonder of life itself, will grieve the most.
Then ultimately the ubiquitous darkness takes over along with the unfulfilled dreams, desires and wishes of beings haunting the vast void of nothingness.

Let these sink slow and just wonder, the flowers are not going to bloom someday, someday all the poems will be forgotten, all the letters shall be mere dust and ashes, parakeets are going to stop repeating what they're taught patiently, all the forevers they said to anyone will stand falsified( knowing this we avoid using the word "forever" ), all the chords and notes will disappear into nothing, all the memories of night skies will be wiped off from existence,  all the hidden and old photos will be nowhere to be found,all the routes in our towns will be forgotten, all our favorite songs will not be played anymore, all our scars will be hidden to everyone forever, all our nicknames will never be heard again, there would be no more sunsets to watch, all of everyone's feelings will just vanish someday,
all of it, literally anything that anyone ever liked, why; because it will.
And that's where living in the present becomes difficult, not even possessing the right to ask why it has to end after all.
And this is enough a realization for me to be sad till it ends.
Well,they say the end is the part of it that makes it special and I feel helpless then and continue being happy.