Shit, you thought Larry was bad?

Repressed Feelings and Volition (1)

Seriously... you don't want to read this. However fucked up you think this is, I promise you it's worse. This is the last warning you'll get.

Harry is losing his fucking mind. At least, that's what he thinks. It's been the better part of a year now since he first felt attracted to Edward, and despite all he has done to push those thoughts away, it's only gotten worse. At first, it was just a random, crude thought here and there; nothing too crazy. Then, it progressed into very explicit dreams, which then lead to — well, I'm sure it's easy to imagine. Now he can't so much as look at his twin brother without a morally disgusting thought crossing his mind.

He won't admit it to himself yet, but his inappropriate sexual desires have been slowly developing into actual romantic feelings as the time passes. He convinces himself that it's just some sick fantasy of his that will pass eventually, but it's far from that. He and Edward have always been closer than most brothers, that was always normal for them. They do come from a very close-knit family, after all. However, Edward was always the center of Harry's whole world. He has always loved his brother more than anything. He just never realized how deep that love actually ran...

Recently, Edward has started spending a little less time with him, he's noticed. Nothing drastic or anything; just going out with old friends from school once a week or so, but still, Harry can't fucking stand it. For reasons unknown to him, he's been getting irrationally jealous when his brother will go out, to do who knows what, with god knows whom — without him.

He wants Edward to himself. All the time. In every way. 

Honestly, he's never really wanted anyone else in that way; never been with anyone else. For him, it was only ever Edward. Which is totally absurd, if that wasn't already clear. If the irrefutable fact that they are fucking siblings could somehow be looked over, it wouldn't even matter anyway. Edward is as straight as they come. As a matter of fact, he's even quite a player.

He's angry with himself for thinking this way. He feels disgusting; sick, and he's annoyed that he can't make the thoughts go away. Even though nobody even knows of this, he's utterly embarrassed. Flat out ashamed! Who the hell fantasizes about fucking their own brother? Their own twin?!

The most difficult and embarrassing part about this entire horrific situation, though, is that he is relentlessly horny for Edward. Every single day, all he thinks about is how hot it would be if his brother bent him over and fucked him mercilessly. He wakes up rock hard most mornings, and the only thing that seems to get him off anymore is imagining Edward.

He's tried to get Edward off his mind; he's done everything possible, but all in vain. He's tried imagining other people, or even focusing on all the gross and annoying habits Edward has that just piss him off. Hell, he's even gone so far as trying to hook up with some random guy at a club — that one he regrets. It made him feel physically sick. Even entertaining the idea of being with someone else made him feel strangely nauseous and uneasy.

It was horrible, the first time it happened. Harry woke up in the middle of the night from a very graphic dream of Edward and was achingly hard, harder than he had ever been in his life. It made him angry and upset, and he chose to ignore it until it goes away, as he usually would. Well, unfortunately for him it didn't work that time. He then took a cold shower, which always works in the most desperate of situations, yet that didn't work either. Feeling defeated and wanting nothing more than to get rid of his genuinely painful erection, Harry unwillingly gave in and did the only thing he could do.

He got himself off thinking about his brother.

He cried after. Full on ugly cried; tears, snot, drool, the whole deal. It was bad. Bad, bad. He had a full-on panic attack over it, to the point where he almost passed out. He even considered, briefly, getting professional help — because obviously there is something severely wrong with him. However not a soul in this world can ever find out about this. If someone did, he'd probably die. Okay, that may be a tad dramatic. He would probably just leave the country. Save, that's not going to happen, though, because he is never going to let this come out. To anyone. Ever.