Shit, you thought Larry was bad?

Repressed Feelings and Volition (1)

Seriously... you don't want to read this. This is the last warning you'll get.

Harry is losing his fucking mind, at least, that's what he thinks. It's been the better part of a year now since he first felt attracted to Edward, and despite all he has done to push those thoughts away, it's only gotten worse. At first, it was just a crude thought here and there; nothing too crazy. Then, it progressed into explicit dreams, which then lead to — well, I'm sure you can imagine. Now he can't so much as look at his twin brother without a disgusting, profane thought crossing his mind.

He won't admit it to himself yet, but his inappropriate sexual feelings have been slowly developing into actual romantic feelings over time. As in, love. He just played it off as some sick, sexual fantasy of his that would pass eventually; but it was far from that. Far as fuck from that. He and Edward have always been closer than most brothers, but that's just what was always normal for them. However, for Harry, he has always loved his brother more than anything. He just never realized how deep that love actually ran...

Recently, he's actually begun getting jealous when his brother will go out, to do who knows what with god knows whom — without him. Edward has started spending a little less time with him lately, he's noticed. Nothing drastic or anything; just going out with old friends from school once a week or so, but still, Harry can't fucking stand it.

He wants Edward to himself. All the time. In every way. And before you ask, yes — in that way, too. He's never really wanted anyone else ...in that way; never been with anyone else, either — for him, it was only ever Edward. Which is totally absurd, by the way; if you could somehow put aside the irrefutable fact that they are fucking siblings, it wouldn't matter anyway... because Edward is as straight as they come. Quite the player, his twin is.

He's angry with himself for thinking this way — he feels disgusting; sick, and he's annoyed that he can't make the thoughts go away. Even though nobody else even knows of this, he's embarrassed! As fuck! Like, who the hell wants to fuck their own brother... their twin?!

The most annoying and embarrassing part about this entire horrific situation, though, is also probably the most difficult part about it; he is relentlessly horny for Edward. Everyday, all he thinks about is his brother bending him over and fucking him mercilessly. He wakes up rock hard almost every morning, and the only thing that seems to get him off anymore is imagining Edward.

He's tried to get Edward off his mind; he's tried imagining other people, fuck, he's even gone so far as trying to hook up with a guy, any guy, to get his mind off of his twin. However, the second someone started showing interest in him — and he realized it was actually leading somewhere — he felt sick. Actually sick. Like, entertaining the idea of being with someone else made him feel strangely nauseous and uneasy.

It was horrible, the first time it happened. Harry woke up from a very graphic dream of Edward and was painfully hard. He got mad, as usual, and chose to ignore it. That didn't work. So, he took a cold shower, which usually works in those situations, and that didn't work either. Wanting nothing more than to get rid of his painful erection, Harry unwillingly gave in and did the only thing he could do... got off thinking about his brother.

He cried after... full on ugly cried. It was bad. Bad, bad. Like, he had a full on panic attack over it, to the point where he almost passed out. He even considered, briefly, getting mental help — because obviously there is something severely wrong with him; but not a soul in this world can ever find out. If someone did, he'd probably die.

Now though? He just tries not to think about it too much — he'll go crazy if he does. He reluctantly accepted that nothing else works anymore, so he just does what he needs to do and avoids Edward as much as he can, without making it obvious that he's doing so.