“I just meant to say that you have been too tired and sick to make dinner for yourself so you would probably skip it”, Katsuki gets out as calmly as he can. He needs to play this off well or else Izuku won’t trust him and will probably ask more questions. If Izuku keeps pressing and asking more and more questions then Katsuki doesn’t know if he can keep this charade up.
Unfortunately for him it seems like Izuku is going to ask more questions because Izuku looks very unconvinced, “No you said ‘You said you were going to skip dinner so I made some for you’ and I never said that to you, I said that to myself so how do you know?”. Katsuki loves Izuku for a lot of reasons but sometimes Izuku’s keen eye for a lie is infuriating. You never know when Izuku will be rational and when he will be irrational. But rational Izuku is scary, really scary like a super lie detector. It's crazy.
The blonde is trying to not panic. Panicking will only make Izuku think he is more suspicious, “It’s just a coincidence, get over yourself. You just need to eat and to stop making this a big deal for no reason”, Katsuki snaps. Fuck. He always snaps.
“Go away”, Izuku groans, burying his head back into the pillow. Oh no dismissive Izuku is never a good sign.
“No! I’m not going to let you skip meals”, Katsuki exclaims without thinking before repeating the very phrase that has Izuku upset with him in the first place. That’s all he ever does. Not think. Why can’t he just think.
Izuku moves his head enough so he can see Katsuki and be heard but can also rest his head against his pillow , “There it is again! What aren’t you telling me?”. Yep, Katsuki is an idiot you don’t mess with a dismissive Izuku unless you want to die.
Katsuki is getting anxious. “It’s nothing you paranoid little shit”, Katsuki knows he is getting way too defensive but he doesn’t know what else to say. What will make him shut up other than the trut-
“Are you spying on me or something?”, Katsuki stupidly goes quiet. He can't think, how does he reply to that. If he says yes Izuku will hate him. He will never get to see his pretty eyes light up in joy ever again. Never hear him squeal Kacchan with the voice of an angel or laugh at his occasional jokes. He will never get the chance to actually kiss those soft lips or hold Izuku close for real. Everything Izuku and him built up together would be torn down in an instant. He doesn’t want to lose any of that. He doesn’t want to lose Izuku. Katsuki’s eyes start leaking and he wipes them before Izuku can notice in the dark. After what was probably a minute of him panicking and not speaking Izuku says, “Holy shit you are? I was joking! What? How?”.
Katsuki takes in a deep breath, he needs to be calm. “Nerd I was just psyching you out”, Katsuki rolls his eyes, “As if I’d waste my time spying on you”. So much for being calm.
“Oh fuck off”, Izuku flips him off with the angrist expression he thinks he has ever seen on Izuku, “I get it okay? It was a coincidence, and you don’t actually care about me, sorry for the misunderstanding now leave”. The emotion in his voice is overwhelmed with sorrow and betrayal, a silent whisper of why hanging in the air.
Katsuki is slightly confused because Izuku typically yields and just follows Katsuki’s lead when he says something mean why isn’t it working, “Why are you acting like this?”.
“Why am I acting like what? What am I acting like?”, Izuku’s tone sounds dangerous but Katsuki must be imagining it. He knows Izuku can get sad but he doesn’t really get angry, right?
All he needs to do is be more harsh and Izuku will surely back down. “You are acting like a complete bitch!”, Katsuki seethes and clenches his fists.
“Fuck you Katsuki, if anyone is acting like a bitch it’s you!”, Izuku accuses his emerald eyes ablaze with a passion he has never before witnessed.
“What do you mean?”, Katsuki has to will his voice to not break. Is Izuku not feeling this hurt too? Why aren’t his words working like they usually do. Why isn’t Izuku backing down?
“I mean that all you do is deflect instead of acting like a normal person and talking”. This is ridiculous.
Katsuki is seething now, how dare he say that! Katsuki is Normal he is Fine nothing is Wrong with him, “Because I’m not an emotional mess like you that needs to spill his feeling every fucking five seconds”. He feels nauseous. Why is Izuku being so mean? Why does his heart hurt? His hands hurt. Why. His eyes are leaking. Why ? His head is pulsing. Why ?
“Fuck you, you know damn well that you are a bigger emotional mess than me. You are just a coward who can’t talk about his feelings”,
“I am not a coward”, His voice is breaking. Why ? He isn’t a coward, he has never been. So why does he feel like one.
“Yes you are Katsuki! I texted my mom last night and asked her how much she was paying you and she said that she isn’t paying you anything. Which means you were embarrassed that you were showing emotion and caring about me so you came up with a hurtful excuse and pushed me away like you always do! When are you going to grow up and talk to me huh? Do you know how bad you hurt me every single time you decide insulting me is better than admitting you care or simply saying sorry”, How does he fix this, how does he get Izuku’s words to stop being mean?
“I came over so you would eat since you weren’t going to! Stop making this into something it isn’t!”, Can’t Izuku just accept his explanation and move on. Please move on.
“Yes and then I asked you how you knew! And then you deflected and made up some stupid lie to hurt me so I would stop pestering you because I was too sad”. How does he know so much about me? Why is he in my head?
“Fine you want to know the actual reason?”. This should work.
“Yes. Tell me.”, Izuku seems intrigued.
He said he wants me to say I care so I will say it. Doesn't mean I have mean it this is purely to stop the bed feeling in his stomach and the burning feeling in his eyes,“I felt bad about insulting you so I followed you back to your apartment, I was about to knock on the bathroom door but I heard you crying and saying something about skipping meals, I got worried Izuku, cause goddammit I care about you!”. He will let Izuku know the truth later, someday, maybe.
“Really?”, Katsuki can’t bear to look Izuku in the eyes. Not like this, not when they are glimmering with hope because of a lie.
“Yes, I do”. Fuck. “It’s on the kitchen table I’ll leave now”
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“No don’t go”, but Katsuki is already gone.
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Neither of them get much sleep tonight nor does the doll.
