I showed Alaric to a shower as he was dripping with sweat and smelly, and then sat down to watch Gaia and Clariana talk and giggle together like they were best friends. I smiled; I was glad she'd have friends after I was gone.
Basically I was being a stalker, but really I just wanted to catch all the good moments, however small, before I would have no more moments with Clariana at all.
I was filled with such a powerful sorrow that I doubled over, putting my hands to my face. I screamed.
Gaia and Clariana both suddenly stopped what they were doing and ran over to me.
"Oh my god, Azazel, what happened?" Clariana's panicked voice sounded like it was muffled under water.
"Azazel, are you ok?" Gaia asked, less panicked.
I was under water, I could feel it on my face and hands. I couldn't breathe. I was drowning.
I slowly took my hands away to look at Clariana, and the water was still there, I could barely see her through a hazy lens. It pissed me off.
Clariana slowly wiped my eyes with her thumbs, then held my face. I held them, and closed my eyes. I was starting to relax just from her touch.
"Azazel," she whispered. My dick shot up suddenly. Really? Now?
I opened my eyes again to look at her. She was coming back into focus finally. Thank Lucifer. She was beautiful.
Her black eyes were filled with worry, her mouth was a thin line. I grabbed her face gently and slowly brought her mouth to mine.
"I'm sorry, dove. Don't worry about me. "
"What's going on?" She asked.
I sighed and looked at Gaia. Her eyes slowly widened in realization. Her mouth thinned into a line. She looked away.
"Nothing, Clariana. I've just been...emotional lately."
"He's on his period," Gaia said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Ha. Ha." I said.
Clariana relaxed slightly at our normal joking, but still looked worried. "Something's going on that you're not telling me, isn't there?" she asked.
I sighed. "No, Clariana. Everything is ok." I inwardly cringed at having to lie to her. But I couldn't tell her the truth. She could tell I wasn't being completely honest, but she finally came to the realization that I wasn't going to say any more than that. She still looked worried, but she dropped the subject. I sighed in relief and kissed her forehead.
"Thank you, dove," I whispered. She blushed and ducked her head, which was adorable. "For what?" She asked.
"For comforting me. No one has wiped my tears before." I had realized that the water that was on my face had been coming from my eyes. I had been crying! Huh. Well, I guess there was a first for everything.
"That's because you've never cried before, you stone cold freak!" Gaia joked. I glared at her. She stuck her tongue out. Clariana gasped. "You've never cried before?" She asked, shocked.
I grumbled, "of course not." Then I got up off the couch. I had to get away from this emotional nonsense.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
My thoughts were as deep and as dark as the blood red corridor that I stalked down, my feet made deep thudding echoes that mirrored my anger. Guilt crushed in on all sides, making the breath in my lungs heavy, and my mind filled with anger towards myself and the situation that we were stuck in.
I wanted... NEEDED... to speak to Clariana, to confide in her, to let out all the deep hidden secrets that were weighing on me. But I couldn't hurt her, I had to bear the pain myself, so that I could protect her. I couldn't bear to see the look of pain marr Clariana's beautiful face, or sadness drown out those vibrant eyes.
Clariana deserved better than a wrathful demon such as myself. And from all the pain I had caused mortals and immortals alike, especially her, I didn't deserve a beautiful, angelic, innocent woman such as Clariana.
I stood in front of the gym doors and shook my head. No, Clariana was not angelic anymore, and that was my fault. I could've let her go, let her be happy in heaven with her siblings, her parents, her god. But no, I just had to beg for her back.
I growled and threw a punch into the doors, and they swung open. Inside, Alaric had been breaking a sweat beating the shit out of a replica of a wrath demon with large leathery bat wings, bright red eyes, and all. Now he was staring at me with wide, startled eyes, a fist frozen in mid air. "A-Az-Azazel," he stammered, his face slowly turning red with embarrassment. "It's not what it looks like."
I took in the scene, then shook my head and purposely went out of my way to walk past him, bumping my shoulder into his. He stumbled, barely catching his footing. I could swear he was trembling. Good.
Then I let out all my self-hatred onto a punching bag.
