F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Season One

The One With Shawn Wilson -- Part One (4)

"Alright. Phoebe?" Monica asked, she was sitting on the armchair. Phoebe was on the ground. Kat was on the couch next to Chandler and Ross sat in a diner chair.

"Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest..." Phoebe paused. "And bigger boobs!" Kat laughed and took a sip of her coffee, reaching over to put it on the table.

"Yeah, see..." Ross responded,  "You took mine. Chandler, what about you?"

"Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd... make myself omnipotent forever."

"See, there's always one guy." Rachel said, she mocked Chandler as she walked away "'If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes.'" Joey entered the cafe. 

"Hey Joey," 

"Hi." 

"Hey, buddy."

"Hey, Joey," Monica pointed at the actor. "What would you do if you were omnipotent?"

"Probably kill myself!"

Monica and Kat both looked at the man. "...Excuse me?"

"Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!" Joey sat on the arm of the couch. Kat shook her head.

Ross looked at him, "Joey, uh-- omnipotent."

Joey gasped. "You are?" Ross stood up with his coffee cup. "Ross, I'm sorry..." Kat facepalmed.

***

"How does she do that?" Monica asked. She and Ross were watching Phoebe sleep and Kat was trying to take a nap.

"I cannot sleep in a public place." Ross remarked.

"Would you look at her? She is so peaceful." Monica leaned over to see Phoebe closer. Kat leaned her head back against the couch.

Phoebe woke and startled everybody. "Oh! What what what! ...Hi." Kat opened her eyes because of the screaming.

"It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again." Ross assured her, putting his hand up to calm her.

"What's going on with you?" Kat and Monica asked, Kat leaned over Ross to look at Phoebe.

"I got no sleep last night!"

"Why?" Ross asked.

"My grandmother has this new boyfriend," Phoebe sat up, then slumped back down, "And they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!" Ross scooted closer to Kat who stood up at sat where he'd been sitting before.

"Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight." Monica offered.

"Thanks." 

Chandler and Joey entered. Joey was counting, "...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."

Chandler sighed and put his hand on Joey's back. "You got waaaay too much free time."

Kat checked her watch. "I've gotta go to work... or rather I've gotta go pretend I'm doing work..." She stood up and gave Joey a kiss on the cheek on her way out. While she left, Kat heard Joey and Chandler saying "Happy Birthday" to Ross and she laughed.

***

When Kat finished up at Moondance Diner, she went back to her apartment that she shared with Joey and Chandler. After changing out of her very stupid, very ugly, and extremely uncomfortable outfit, she sat on the armchair and begun to type.

CHAPTER TWO

THE ONE WHERE CHRISTY IS PREGNANT

When Ron and Christy got divorced, Christy moved in with her lesbian-life partner and Ron was left heartbroken. When Christy told him she was pregnant, he was shocked.

Y'see, Ron was a paleontologist, he worked with dinosaur fossils at the New York Museum. When his coworker told him Christy was waiting outside, he wished he was a fossil. He pretended that everything was fine until he saw her. She looked great. She was glowing and beaming and had never seemed so happy as she was that minute.

"You look great," Ron told her. "I hate that."

Christy told him he looked good too, then broke the news. "I'm pregnant." 

Ron was silent. He didn't know what to say, or even how to form the words. He asked Christy if she was sure. She rolled her eyes and told him of course she was sure. She and her lesbian-life partner, Susie, wanted Ron to be involved in his child's life. Ron wasn't so sure.

---

Raquelle lost her engagement ring. She was supposed to return it to Bruce the next day and she couldn't find it anywhere. After she'd ran out on him on their wedding day, she'd hoped she'd never have to face him again... but now, here she was without the engagement ring that she was supposed to return.

Raquelle had everyone looking for the ring. Jimmy and Charles were so scared of Maddie that they agreed immediately. Raquelle looked at the lasagne that she had helped Maddie make that day and she remembered. Maddie immediately began scanning the lasagne. When Charles told Maddie that that's not how you look for an engagement ring, and Maddie said she couldn't rip apart the lasagne, Persephone, Charles and Jimmy begun digging through the pasta meal...

Kat looked up as the phone rang. She set her typewriter down on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to answer it. By the time she reached the phone, however, it had stopped ringing. She saw that she had a message so she clicked it. Kat opened the fridge to get herself a soda and heard the beep.

*Beep* Hey Kitty Kat, it's me. Kat froze. I found out that you're living with your brother now. I asked your former roommate and she gave the the landline number and apartment address and I'll see you when I get to New York. I'm sorry, and I'm ready to reconcile. I love you Kitty Kat. *Beep* 

Kat's breath caught. Shawn. He'd cheated on her, not once, but the whole two years they were together. He'd only married her so he could play with her feelings and he'd been sleeping with her best friend the whole time. He'd convinced her to leave her friends and family behind and leave with him to California. He'd convinced her to get eloped in Vegas. Then, the second they'd reached LA, he'd dropped her off on the side of the road with her luggage and she didn't hear from him until three weeks later when he mailed her the divorce papers.

Kat heard a knock on the door. "Kitty... Kitty Kat... it's me!" Kat pretended she wasn't home. She didn't answer the door. She didn't make a noise... nothing. If Shawn knew she was here, he'd never leave her alone... then again... 

She thought back to when he'd asked her out. She was the straight-A, academically achieved Student Body President and lead in the musicals, in the top choir and he was the Captain of the Football Team. The Quarterback. He'd been so sweet. He'd been everything. She'd had a crush on him for a year and when she was a sophomore, he'd made his move. He was perfect. He treated her wonderfully and he made her happy.

Without thinking, Kat found herself going to the door and she opened it. Staring back at her with a bright smile and gorgeous blue eyes. "Well hello Kitty Kat."

***

EDITED