When I take a look at the balance, I feel guilt washing over me. I think to myself "What have I done? Why did I had to eat so much?! Now I'm a fat disgusting cow!" I swallow my tears when I take a look at the reflection the mirror is showing me. All I see is fat. Fat. Fat. Fat, everywhere. The excess of fat on my stomach, my thighs, my arms... I feel disgusted and just want to break this stupid mirror, to get rid of this image I have of myself. I stop myself from eating, trying as much as possible to eat less and less, almost starving myself, thinking I deserve it, that this is what I get for being so fat, for being such a cow, that this is a punishement that I shouldn't even dare complain about. I think to myself that I should get skinnier and that once achieved, I'll finally be... Beautiful, for once. I see girls, with such beautiful bodies and angelic faces. While all I see in myself is... Ugliness. I avoid eating and when people ask me about it I just shrug it off, saying "Oh I'm fine, I'm just not hungry" when really I'm starving, I could eat anything at the moment. But I don't allow myself to do so because of the guilt I feel after giving up and just end up eating.
