Westminster Academy (Part One)

nineteen

Punishments were easy to endure when they didn't feel justified. Then they were purely physical, an unpleasant sensation to get over with while the emotional discipline was fended off by a protective shield of resistance and resilience. 

The real hell began when there were actual feelings of guilt involved. Then the protective shield crumbled and every single hit went deep.

Pain was painful when it was deserved.

I didn't dare to look Henry in the eye when I entered the room. I knew I had fucked up. And as much as I loved defending myself, I didn't have much to say right now. I was pretty ashamed of myself. Spreading lies and making myself seem braver than I was – not something I was proud of.

"Sit" Henry ordered.

I slowly walked over to the desk, the one I had already been bent over, and sat down on the chair. Henry closed the door and took a few steps towards me. I watched his black shoes come closer and closer, keeping my eyes lowered. 

"Oh, someone is feeling guilty" he said. His voice sounded stern as ever. I fiddled nervously with the hem of my skirt.

"I've never seen you like that, ace. I hardly recognise you."

I sighed. I felt bad, but being made fun of was something that could easily put me back into defensive mode. 

"Look, Henry, I'm sorry" I said sincerely. "I know I shouldn't-"

"It's sir" he interrupted me.

Why can't we talk about this like two adults?

I sighed again.

"Look at me, Azalea" Henry demanded. 

I reluctantly lifted my gaze and met his eyes. They were grey and cold, but not as merciless as I had seen them before. 

"I want you to tell me exactly what happened, and you'd better go into detail. Trying to escape the punishment you've earned will only make it worse, so own up to it and tell me." 

I guess that's fair.

I tried to calm my racing heart. I didn't even know why I was so nervous. I had received a lot of discipline in my life, and it's not like I had committed any crimes here. It just felt like I had betrayed Henry, in a way.

I took a breath. "Okay...So I was sitting with the other girls, as you wanted me to, and made some light conversation" I started. "And at some point they asked about you and me and I..."

God I really don't know how to do this.

"It made me angry that they think you're in charge of me, so I told them that you're...not."

Henry raised his eyebrows. "Interesting. What else?" 

I gulped. "I might have said that you think your punishments are bad but they're actually fine."

I really did fuck up.

His cold facade broke for a second. A smirk formed on his lips and his eyes sparkled sadistically.

"Alright, was that it?"

"I think so?" I replied.

"You didn't accidentally tell Tom to mind his own business when he told you off?"

That guy really hadn't left anything out. I bit my lip. "I kind of did."

"Okay." Henry seemed to have heard enough. "So you needed a little ego boost and thought it a good idea to belittle me in public and disrespect another dominant?"