Journal // haylor

iii

"We could be a beautiful miracle, unbelievable. Instead, I'm just invisible."
- Invisible

And im just a nobody to you.

I went to your apartment to pick up some clothes that i left there. And you were there. But you weren't alone, you were with a group of friends, God knows where they are from. When i walked in the door, every eyes looked at me, including yours. But i was only looking at a pair of green eyes which was yours. They were darker than they have ever been. It was almost black, but i could still see the light in your eyes. You looked away after 7 seconds, i didn't mean to count but i did because i didn't know what to do. You continued what you were doing and ignored me like i was a stranger. But that has been going on for the past two months right? Nothing new to me. When i was walking out of the room, my head bumped into your chest. You looked to me like i was a fragile glass who could break anytime. I looked to you scared, scared that you would get mad at me for messing with your life again. Your lips parted like they wanted to say something hut nothing came out. "Im sorry." I said and walked to the front door. But before i could reach the door, you friend asked who am i. I stood still thinking what should i answer. Im afraid that you'd be ashamed of me. Im afraid that they would mock you because you has a low taste in girls. Before i could answer, you answered him. "Nobody." You said. After i heard those words coming from your mouth, i rushed out the door and cried on my way back home. And now I'm here, in my room writing you letters i wouldn't ever send. Is it that easy to say that i was a nobody? Is it? You fucking said i was a nobody. Last time i checked i was still the girl who spent a year in the same fucking house as you and who made you breakfast, who calmed you down when you had nightmare, who kissed you goodnight, who fucking loved you whole heartedly and i got a NOBODY? How great life is. I am clearly a nobody who knows your darkest secret. I am a nobody who knows your nightmares and why you had them. I am a nobody who knows what made you happy. I am a nobody who knows your favorite song and why you love them so much. I am a nobody for that? I shouldve just never existed in your life and i would take nobody for an answer.