Journal // haylor

xii.

"Babe, can i tell you something?" He said, rubbing my thigh as we laid on the bed watching law and order. His head was on my chest and my hair was untangling his curly brown hair.

"Mhm?" I replied smiling at my handsome boyfriend.

His eyes were scared. His green eyes were almost pitch black and were watery.

"But promise me you'll stay with me." He said.

"Okay?" I furrowed my eyebrow, confused and terrified of what he was going to say.

"Cassandra is three months pregnant." He blinked and dropped a tear from his eyes.

My heart dropped.

What did i just hear?

Cassandra is pregnant.

I was speechless. I was getting these voices inside my head again. I couldnt speak. It was like something was holding me back. I couldnt cry.

Hell, i couldnt even breathe.

I pushed him away from me and stood up. My warm feet met the cold ground and it made me more frustrated. I was getting goosebumps all over my skin. My chest hurt. My legs were weak.

I put my hands on my head and walked in circles. Just trying to think what i was going to say.

His mouth were saying something like "im sorry" but i couldnt hear it over the voices in my head. His eyes were dropping more tears but i couldnt feel anything for him. I was numb for him.

"Babe im so sorry. I didn't know what i was doing. It all happened long time ago. I didn't know it was gonna end like this. I didn't meant it." His voice sharped through my ears and his words pierced through my heart.

Long time ago when we were still together but you decided that she was better than me.

You knew what you were doing but you just decided to be dumb and do it all over again.

You didn't meant to fuck some girl while you were sober? Sure thing, Harry.

I didn't say anything back to him.

I walked to our cupboard and grabbed a suitcase. I opened it and shove some clothes into it.

"Babe please don't leave. You promised you'll stay." He said between his sobs.

You fucking promised you'll love me but you left me for her. What the fuck is love?

"Fuck yourself, Harry. Im done with you." I said what i wanted to say.

I closed my suitcase and grabbed my phone.

"Taylor, taylor, please don't go." He fell on his knees in front of me, holding both of my legs to go further.

"What do you expect me to do? Stay with you and watch you with her and your kids? No thanks, Harry. Im done. Now fuck off."

"Taylor, please. I could just support the kid with my money. We can stay together forever. You're the one that i love." His face was mottled red and his eyes were swelling from the tears. I used to give a damn about this but look where he got me. I couldnt care anymore. I didn't want to, at least.

"Support the kid? The kid is your own blood and flesh. They're your family for goodness sake. You cant throw them away. You made mistake but you gotta take care of it. Now fucking let go of me." I said harshly. Honestly, that wasnt i wanted to say but i had to. To make things better. To set myself free. To set himself free.

🚀🌞🌏🚀🌞🌏🚀🌞🌏🚀🌞🌏

so what do you guys think???

i didn't want to make this sad.

just not yet.

im so done with all sad things.

i want to be angry. i want to be furious.

so here is angry me writing as angry taylor.

i hope its good because i poured my heart into this shit.

aethel x