Journal // haylor

viii

"There we are again, when i loved you so. Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known."

You should've said it sooner

You were laying in a hospital bed. Your mom called me. I refused to came here at first because i thought it wasn't my job anymore and i was a nobody. But your mom was crying and begging me to come so i did for the sake of your mom. To be honest, i was worried of you but i couldn't show it because if i show it, you would think that I'm easy to get. The doctor said you'll be alright and you could go home tomorrow. I watched you sleeping as i intertwined our fingers together. It feels good to finally touch you again. You still looked good even though you're sick. Your curly hair was messy like they're not brushed for days. You face is pale like you haven't eaten. Oh my goodness, it sucks to see you like this. Your lips were chapped like you haven't drink anything at all. I missed those lips so much. I wanted to kiss you but i knew i cant. I can live without you but that doesn't mean I'm doing it easily. Theres still days where i would sleep and wake up because i thought you were calling me. Its scary to think the person who is haunting you is still alive. I ran my fingers through your tangled hair, parting them apart. You always or used to love it when i do this. You said you felt loved. And i did that to show that you are still loved by me. When you woke up, i called the doctor to check on you. He said we looked cute together but we weren't even together anymore. I tried to tell the truth but you said thank you which made me smile a bit. I assumed you saw me smiling because you felt more confident when i talked to you. I asked hows life and you said you're fine. And i smiled because im happy that you're fine. And then things got tensed.

"Taylor, i know i was wrong. I know i fucked up." You started to apologized. "God, im a mess." I heard you mumbled to yourself. "I didn't expect you to forgive me because hell, i don't even deserve that. But Taylor, i still love you. After all these times, i realized that im still in love with you." You paused for a while. "Im still in love with the way you smile, im still in love with the way you say my name, im still in love with how you ran your fingers through my hair untangling it," you chuckled. "it hurts as fuck but fuck, taylor. Im still in love with you and i hope you still feel the same." You reached for my hand and i felt- i don't know- i just felt everything. I wanted to punch you in the face. I wanted to yell at you why didn't you said it sooner. I wanted to scream bullshit because where were these words when i needed them? Where were these words when i thought there was still hope. Where were these words when i felt I'm not good enough for you. But the other me wanted to kiss the hell out of you. These words were the words i waited for so long. I wanted to kiss you and say we'll be alright. I wanted to kiss you because i couldn't imagine myself kissing any other guy. But i did nothing. If i could just pass out at the moment, i would. You asked me to say something. So i said that you're unbelievable. I said that you should've said it sooner. I was honest and i said I'm still in love with you too but i also said my life is better without you. And then i ran home.

☎️🏤💡☎️🏤💡☎️🏤💡☎️🏤💡☎️

A/N:

Hey guys!! Im obsessed with those emojis rn so im going to use them for a separator. I really hope you enjoy this part. I know i know, taylor should've just take him back but you know, its not that easy. Shes afraid. Shes afraid that she'll get hurt again. Even though they're still in love with each other, its hard. It will never be back to normal. It takes time. So i hope you guys understand the story line of this book. And maybe i'll change a bit of how i write. If these previous chapters are all letters, maybe i'll add some memories of them or maybe some of their conversation. So yeah, keep on reading and thank you!!

Take care of yourself lovelies!!