Journal // haylor

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"I was praying that you and me might end up together. Its like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert but im holding you closer than most cause you are my heaven."

It felt like God was watching us and shipping us.

I don't understand why we kept meeting. I went to the cafe i usually work at and i saw you. You were alone this time. You had your laptop with you and i knew you were working. You never knew i work here. I got the job after you came home drunk for the first time. I thought it was nice if i could get myself busy. James, the cafe owner asked me to take your order. I couldn't say no because he's the one that pays me. I came to your table with a unsteady fast beating heart. I wasn't mad, i was scared and i didn't want to talk to you. I asked what do you want and you didn't answer. Instead, you looked at me and looked back to your laptop screen. My heart fell to the floor. Your green eyes were saying something i couldn't understand. It looked like you were sorry but by the way you acted, i think it was only in my mind. It honestly hurt to see you. I think its better off if we stop meeting each other now because i knew there was no hope again. You called me a nobody and you ignored me for goodness sake. I don't understand how the Heaven works. It felt like God was watching us and shipping us. If we didn't do what He wanted, He would kept placing us together in a situation until He gets what He wants. Its like He was our shipper and He believed that we could be together again. Does He know that it hurts? Could He tell you that every night i couldn't sleep because of you. You kept haunting my mind and even though i wanted it to stop, it couldn't. I have to fight with my own mind. Could you believe that? I should be controlling it but now i feel like you're controlling it.

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A/N:
Im sorry this is not too good like this is just a filler so im sorry,, idk what to write but yeah next chap will be better i guess