Journal // haylor

iv

"Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold."
- Cold As You

My eyes are red and my lips are dry

Haven't i told you what my biggest fear is? If i haven't, my biggest fear is being forgotten. I hated it when people forgets my birthdays. I hated it when people forgets my favorite thing. I felt worthless. I felt worthless with them. You used to call me princess. You even treated me like one. You would buy me flowers, take me to dates, carry me to bed, you would do everything for her. I felt wanted with you for once in my life. I grew up with no friends but then i found you. You found me broken but why would you leave me broken again? Its like you're giving me false hope. You are like John Green, you gave me hope in the middle of my life but then that you took away my hope again. Now i felt hopeless. My best friend is happily married with two kids and i knew i shouldn't bring my problems to her life. My parents would come to your house and kick you in the face if i told them that. My eyes are red and my lips are dry because i was crying nonstop about the whole 'i was a nobody' thing. My heart felt heavy and i couldn't sleep even if i wanted to. My head hurt and it felt like people were standing on top of me. Half of my paper was wet by my tears. God, the things you do to me. My mom asked me why i was like this but i said it was because of a movie. See? Im still going to protect you with all my life even though you don't care about me.