I feel my ancestors in different parts but not here only quiet one in song of water
Whether it was a patient laughing or going ew not eleven sitting here
Or perhaps a number or i'd hear berserk
Which means stretch my limbs until they're nothing
I used to hear of my prophecy online
Whether it was from a patterned shoul as I'd go outside or be near these foes
I used to hear it as a joke
Or when I was harmed
Oh here's eleven
But then I heard it in serial killer content
Mother nature and Eleven
As if my isolation was a signal that everyone feels it in their bones the indifference and the spot light on them
I was very quiet in my first admission
I barely spoke
Was too nice at times
Sometimes though I remember the headaches would become unbearable because i'd find pin like stabs on my scalp
Maybe I was electrocuted or perhaps it was intentional
It eventually got to me
Growing up mostly an only child meant my signal was turned on more than a regular person to sexual assault
But there was this one woman who couldn't let me go
She would constantly talk about her time in Africa
And how there was a legend of elentiya and how she was going to save mankind
I honestly thought she was full of it
I've read that book not me , calling me a serial killer treat to end my life
I never told her though
Until one day the abuse got so bad I said she was bullshit
Everything she said was fucking weird and that she should ask someone her own age to hold her
I eventually found someone
Whether it was or not i'm not really sure
There was this famous singer obsessed with him
In norge not outside of it
He was into slicing his victims on the side like food
was a scene from lotr when they're all sitting down together and talking nonsense after I started learning more norsk I noticed a shift
They were mad
But my ex stepdad said something even more interesting
There was a prophecy of a girl who had blonde hair and she changed during the season
And she would be in the cold or something like that
Its been a long time since i've seen him
Eventually it became a stranger things joke like mk ultra
Like I was designed to be violated
I was barely given paracetamol through the violence they projected me too
I was just seen as 11
A number perhaps they were big movie buffs like they said
Or maybe it was 11 pins or slashes on my skin
My younger self in psych wards should have registered some familiar faces to know me but they never mentioned it
I was left with unanswered questions about my past and Anabel
I could smell dead bodies before I went to lovinnberg hospital
I saw the holes in the side as air vents in my dreams
I smelled orange peels and saw doctors in my eye sockets
Going to bed
I saw a couple of them here
Treating me like an obsession or a disgusting thing
It caused me to freak out at times
They also treated me like a kid sometimes
It was odd of those villains my head
to show up so broadly outside my mind
I think im connected to many people in this one big universe
And it shows up in ways like sitting on a dark lit couch with food takeout out
Or going to someones court case and seeing it for what it was I was always there
saying black girl magic or perhaps astroprojection is a tunnel for you to see the truth about
your destiny
of why we crawl into loneliness and hide ourselves
the shocks I got from my autoimmune disease whether it was injury/ill intent haunts me till this day
violence and electricity
pulsing in my head
perhaps thats what I saw that day on that metal cold bed
being treated like a dead person or Frankensteins monster
people wanted to prick me in places i'd walk
cause me shocks
winters and summers looming in a hospital bed always being watched
jokes aside
I think I was rather empty or emotions were in turmoil always feeling the pain of a walk
sometimes pins and needles whether it be from ex's or my meds
it always circles on me
the circle of life
whether im capable of taking charge of my own century
it's currently 2024
and eleven still gets used
and those white teethed nurses are still cruel
but they live on in every century
causally nudging a war in the senses
changing your intuition
making you believe this is how good life gets
4 walls
holding me still
in my own hell
