When I first met Manon
It was dark and I was all alone and the patients were all asleep
Before her another nurse shows up they were a bit prettier so she set a tone for my psych stay early on and later on
When I saw her I knew I was fucked
She was not beautiful I fucked up
And I was being used all the time for whatever her blame they wanted me to have in the future and present is what I thought
They didnt like black women'
I was twenty
I scared them
I completely lost it outside my flats backdoor park area full of people but no one to be seen
I pretty much got SAd on the bridge lying dead there
And I had a knife in my pocket and i was fuming and next thing i know mechanisms kicked off and I was a bit sickly and lost.it with the woman
There was a kid and she held his hand and I thought she was weird for what she did
But I'm pretty sure she talks in universities now adding to my experience because she knows I'll never see one
Because I'm not a random guest like.she is
After.i saw Manon
She looked a bit envious and I expelled the shaytan I could smell the poultry a mile away she sort of had that essence but she looked more like she was firey
Anyway she took me as a girl who had no power and wealth and decided to make me an image of her and her scars
I never understood why on my first ever patient night she wanted to be in the bathroom while.i was showering like I was a doormat patient I knew she was what I ran from in highschool always checking me in pink hues before my physician
Anyway a patient ran into my bathroom and I didnt actually care but they literally banged him up for running to me
He was a ginger
She told.me he moved after that
At some point you realise that maybe white privledge doesnt go away until someones old I honestly think this woman deserved her face, you wonder if old age isn't just beautiful but a curse for some
It wasnt even old age
It was something about her that screamed I want to wear my skin
I could feel the snow white envy mirror.mirror.on the wall that my aunt would do to a.mirror as a child
I'm not sure what fantasy I'm playing this is actually really life and I can jump from time zones but when I tell you there was only anger and lust in her eyes
I was scared so I screamed my first day and I got raped not sure if it was her or someone else but she asked me how I slept and I said nothing as I had a scar on my hand from the knife being grazed on me and a symbol I found on me a circle and a cross over it
Another moment in time was seeing a stranger from my past I barely knew
He was a lot older than me
I had no psoriasis like.i said it was my first.night and I was stuck with Manon late at night being cooked food because I stayed up all night in the last hospital towards the end trying to starve my body from not eating too much garbage that weighed me down I was not thinking so I'd mediate and look at my wall and windows in the dark
and it got.them stirred up I jumped from a 4 story window and ran from my attacker who was also obsessed with me
She was ugly
I'm not saying I'm prettier than any other person my ex said I had an acquired face and I actually agree it isnt everyones cup of tea but it is a bunny incarnate so you should just check one out and that's me ❣
4 walls
Nots and crosses and chess games and looking at a tree that had a heart on it or perhaps a face I'm not sure but it wasn't scary there were cool sunsets up on that 4 story hospital but it was scary
I used to see a bird always a magpie and it brought me solace of my childhood
It always showed up
I told my lawyer at the time who was called indigo I believe and she said I was having delusions so from the very beginning things were off on my case
They dont really know me was well that
When I think of books I think I was in the worst hospital in the universe
I think I deserved some punishment but here in norge there is no way you can have amnesty without crossing something like your soul
I realised that when I was in my first year they improved the mental health act and got rid of racism in medical setting
I hit.the jackpot with it but they never included me in this unless it was a law but even then they were a bit off the books cooking up nonsense on the manuscript of my horror picture show
which could have upset the kid or made him more prejudice I'm not sure tbh I dont talk to him but im sure he hates me which is valid I looked a bit fucked up
Anyway the about the guy thing
He showed up
