Have you ever felt it
The calmness of chemicals but know maybe it isn't you
Because you always have a headache in the middle of your skull
but it's gone and you're numb
Have you ever felt it
The ecstasy of a walk to the bus stop
But know damn well the rhythmic walk aren't from you because you're deadly low all the time
Have you ever felt bright lights not hurt as much or perhaps dim light didn't bother you as much in your bedroom
But that crawling touch keeps you awake at night
Have you ever been still in thought and wondered hey why can I be at peace
Endorphins and electrifying precision in dark skies and over thinking
Have you wondered why it's so easy for you to just forget because maybe you are religious waiting for someone but it angers you that the mystery isn't enough you want him found out but you try to profile a silhouette
And maybe you wrote it in notes
And said I will kill myself or I will fall in love
But they were using you since december 2018
With your shoes on
And you never found out who it was
Never knowing fingerprints on your skin
Do you ever forget the voice or feel calm working out so you can hurt them the next time
What is the deadline
do you never call him out in blue and red bulbs
Until its too late
Because anonymous men on private never let you go
They keep you in a cage like they did in your childhood
And you wonder who was it
But the meds made it impossible to remember your childhood
And those y2k hits
volts
as you see a more mystery version of yourself on a hotline screen
as you imagine yourself thinking this couldn't be him could it ...
but then when you finally see him you are not turned on
but you are from the wild dangerous sex
defibrillator
