Madagascar (Reader Insert)

Getting Captured

Skipper: Here's Dave's sub. And this young, helpless, vulnerable rock is Private. And here's Dave. While you four blowhards "dih-vert" the octopi, we strike fast and strike hard! Hi-yah! Get on in here, boys! Slap him silly, Rico! Come on! Kowalski, free the hostages! Now, that's what I'm talking about, big fella! With Private freshly liberated, we celebrate with a well-earned high one, and feast off Dave's sweet remains. Any questions? Whoa-hoa, hey, now!

Classified: Wow. I mean, truly impressive. Especially the bit where you slap the fruit. Oh! Corporal, dim the lights. Short Fuse, glasses.

Kowalski: Ooh.

Classified: My apologies. Had to rush a bit. The schematic's a little crude.

Roberto: Where is that music coming from?

Kowalski: Wow.

Classified: All right, at 2150, Skipper, Kowalski and... Richard, was it? Die-vert the octopi away from their posts. At 2200, Short Fuse breaches the hull with a swarm of self-guided underwater nano-charges.

Short Fuse: I call them "wet kabooms."

Classified: Yes, please don't.

Short Fuse: Okay, sorry.

Classified: At 2202, knock, knock.

Corporal: Who's there?

Classified: The North Wind.

Corporal: The North Wind who?

Classified: The North Wind who doesn't have time for knock-knock jokes because we're too busy taking down Dave. Personal hover tank... check. Auto-targeting wing mounts. Why not? At 2209, mission accomplished. See that? I don't even look back. There's a huge explosion, and I just keep walking.

Short Fuse: Whoo! Way to go, boss! That's North Wind, sucker!

Corporal: Nicely done.

Skipper: La-di, blah, blah, blah, blah. A good plan is about more than effecty stuff and... vocabulary words.

Classified: And you, you... you certainly know a good plan... I mean, your operation in Shanghai allowed Dave to escape with... your boy. I've never lost a member of my team. It must feel... awful. Can't imagine the guilt, the regret, the feeling that, I don't know, that... it should have been you.

Eva: All for penguin plan? All for North Wind plan?

Skipper: His... his is better.

Hot Shot: Say what now?

Kowalski: What?

Skipper: I'm sorry, boys, but I can't lead you this time.

Kowalski: But... we're a team, and... and you're our skipper, Skipper. We don't... we don't need these guys.

Skipper: No, Kowalski, but Private does. I think... it's time we leave it to the professionals.

Kowalski: But, sir...

Skipper: It's settled. We take our orders from Agent Classified now. That's an order, Rico! All right, Classified... what's the diversion?

[Moments later]

Skipper: We take this shame to our graves.

Kowalski: Agreed.

Octopi: Hey!

Classified: Time?

Eva: 2200 hours.

Classified: Time to take down Dave. David the octopus, show me your tentacles. All of them.