Better days (JJxOC)

Baby marshmallows

So we laid there for about an hour. Each one of us thinking everything through and just keeping each other company. I think it's time we need to figure out what it is that we're doing. I could keep doing whatever this is but that's only because Garcia wasn't totally wrong. I did teach myself not to let anything affect me and not to feel anything. But our relationship right now is confusing and it's not healthy.

Now I just had to choose the right words to say what I wanna say and I have trouble with that because sometimes I can be a little sarcastic.

"Can we talk now?" I asked.

"Yeah," JJ said.

"So what's on your mind?" I asked.

"That this kinda feels like the old times," she said, "I like seeing this side of you again. I missed," she stopped for a second, "It. I missed it."

Was she gonna say she missed me or is it my brain playing tricks on me now?

"What side?" I furrowed my eyes.

"The warm one. The way you talk, just the way you are. It's so comforting and just always hits me where I need to," she said, "It's like the dark has gone away."

"Why do ya'll keep talking about the dark? I'm not that bad," I said.

"Whatever you say, Maya," she said.

"Garcia said something similar. But come on, don't you like my jokes?" I asked.

"Sure I do," she chuckled, "I never expect what you're gonna say next."

"Same," I chuckled, "It's just come out."

"I can tell you've been thinking about something. What is it?" She asked me.

"Well, I was just wondering where we stand. I mean I told you I can be your person and we would do this your way. And we're kinda doing that, but I'm not gonna be your punching bag JJ," I said, "Don't get me wrong, I know it's not something you do on purpose."

"I'm sorry," she said, "I really didn't mean what I said."

"I know, don't worry about that. What I'm saying is that you were in a toxic relationship. So now that I'm willing to be here for you just because I want to and that's that, you have trouble believing that. So now you're the one bringing the toxic behavior because healthy is weird for you right now," I said, "That's really not that surprising."

"So what do I do?" She asked.

"Just try to trust me? I know it's not easy to rewire your brain and make new habits, but we'll get there. I just want you to try. That's good enough for me," I said.

"How?" She asked.

"Try to think twice before you snap. Ask yourself, is it really something I would say or is it something my trauma is making me say to keep everyone away from me and go from there. It's not gonna change immediately, it'll probably happen a few more times but I can take it. As long as you're trying," I said.

"So you still wanna be my person?" She asked.

"Sure do. I'm not that easy to get rid of," I said.

She chuckled, "How did you know? All of it?"

"I mean I am a profiler. You told me without telling me. And I learned before, with Emily, that if someone pushes you away sometimes you need to push harder. So they know you're not gonna break when they lean on you and will be able to hold them together," I said.

"After what I did to you, I don't know how you can be here. I don't know what I did to deserve you being here," she said.

"You didn't do anything to me, you were right all this time. I wasn't okay and you saw that, just like I see it in you now," I said, "And that's the thing Jayje. You didn't do anything to deserve it, because that kind of things are not something you earn. We're a team and we'll get to the point where you understand that."