Skeletons

Chapter 17

My mind goes a blur, my thoughts all jumble into one big 'Holy shit' My eyes well up with an oncoming flood of tears, fuzzing my vision and causing me to bump into my mother's dresser, knocking over a pale blue vase. I drop to the ground trying to clean up the mess my meltdown has caused.

SHIT

SHIT

SHIT

I scramble to grab all of the shards, cutting the palm of my hand as I do so, a red river of blood drips down like the tears from my eyes. The shards of the periwinkle ceramic are now contrasted by the harsh vividness of the blood. 

My hands are covered in the crimson liquid. There is blood on my hands, there was blood on their hands, the difference is the blood is mine, it can be washed away. Theirs is permanently stained into their hands, into their heads.

With my unwounded hand, I pull myself into my mother's bathroom. I grip the sink and pull myself up with my two hands, leaving my DNA on the rim of the sink. I turn on the faucet and throw my hands under it. I am immediately greeted with the harsh feeling of icy cold water trickling in and out of my open wound.

 It's frigged but it takes me back to reality, eventually, my tears subside enough to get a look at myself. My usually pale skin is now matching the blood on my hand. I look like a tomato, I would have laughed aloud at my patheticness if I weren't so distraught.

I take a deep breath which turns into a heavy sigh and rub the mixture of tears and snot that cover my face with my sweater's sleeve. Eventually, I make my way from the bathroom after having bandaged my cut.

My eyes fall on the diary and yearbook still on the floor, that alone almost causes me to break down in tears yet again. I shake my head and blink a few times trying to calm myself down, which I do without shedding as much as another tear. Slowly I begin putting everything back in its place, hoping I can ignore the issue, push it so far down I forget about it, or at least it doesn't eat me from the inside out, like a parasite. 

Before I can put away the godforsaken diary that caused my whole world to crumble because of one sentence I hear a voice, her voice.

"Lydiaaaaa are you home?" She calls out from the kitchen. I don't respond, how could I? My eyes fall back on the diary in my hands which I hadn't noticed I was clenching hard enough to leave a dent from my nails. My deep sadness and shock change into a rage that bubbles up to my throat. Without a second thought, I get up and storm my way into the kitchen to find my mother standing there digging through her newly bought groceries.

"Lydia when I was out I found these chocolate-flavored chips-" I cut her off "You killed someone." she looks up from the bag and cocks her head "Pardon?" Her eyes fall on the diary. "How did you find that?.." the color drains from her face. "You're a murderer," I say the words feeling bitter on my tongue "Lydia no you don't understand-" I cut her off again "What do you mean I 'don't understand' you're a sociopath. How many people have you killed?" the tears welled up in my eyes fall down from my eyes onto my cheek. "How many?" I wail. "Lydia it wasn't on purpose-" My habit of cutting her off does not falter as I respond "Oh so she just fell into your knife?" She scoffs at me "I did not stab her" she replies seemingly offended that I got the murder weapon wrong. "Oh, I am sooo sorry was it a gun?" I say my voice coated in a thick layer of sarcasm I use to cover my fear and hurt.