The next time Felix wakes up, he knows. He knows this has to be the day he puts his plan into action. He slides carefully out of bed, ignoring the fresh tear tracks on Hyunjin's face and the tight grip Jiusng has on him. He ignores the way Jeongin was curled up against him, but prays he doesn't wake up from the sudden cold. He knows how guilty Hyunjin must feel over what happened, but maybe Felix should have thought twice before trying to comfort him.
He'd always hated it when people did that to him, so what made him any better? Maybe because he saw part of himself in Hyunjin. That didn't matter. He knew exactly how Hyunjin must have felt when someone he trusted so much hit him.
It's not their fault. Felix doesn't think he could ever blame those three for what he's had to go through. He sees himself in Jeongin, almost like a younger version of Felix in ways Felix doesn't even understand. In the short amount of time that he's been there, he truly only wants the best for those three.
He presses a light kiss to the top of Jeongin's head before turning around. "You're going to be okay." Felix whispers to himself. He believes in his words. Jeongin, Jisung, and Hyunjin will be okay. No matter how many times someone has injected him with drugs or hurt him, he thinks he would do everything for them.
That makes what he's planning to do so much harder, but he doesn't mind. This is what has to be done. Felix glances at the bags under the bed, they're going to get out and be happy like they've always deserved.
They'll be gone and no one will be able to hurt them anymore. Jeongin can get the help he deserves and they'll have each other.
Felix was destined to be alone from the start of his life to now. He doesn't want to let them down, he can't do that to them. He supposes if he stayed here much longer, he would end up dying anyway.
In their equation, where did he fall in?
Exactly, he didn't.
He didn't tell anyone when he put a switchblade in his room the night prior– he stole it out of Seungmin's pocket when he came to visit and the other never found out.
Sighing, Felix walked over to a hole in the floor he'd made. (It wasn't that hard, all he had to do was use the blade to cut a little piece out of the wood and hide it that way. It worked, at least.)
He glanced back over at the three asleep on his bed and took a deep breath.
He's never going to see his little brother again, he's never going to see his friends again. And even if they'd hurt him, Felix kind of wished he could see Jeongin get the help he needed. He wished he could see Hyunjin and Jisung go through therapy for all they've been through, too.
And in a way, he hopes Seungmin gets help too. He has a feeling that Seungmin was never that mean to Jeongin before Felix came. He saw the way Seungmin smiled whenever one of the older three praised him, and he saw the glares Seungmin gave him every time he passed by the room when someone was in there with him.
He understands in a way that maybe he shouldn't. Maybe he shouldn't forgive Seungmin, but Seungmin seems like someone who only did what he did because he wanted to be loved.
If that was true, maybe they had more in common than either of them had thought. Felix took another deep breath and raised it to his wrist.
It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would when he dug it into his skin. He just keeps pressing harder, making it go deeper into his flesh.
And he finally, finally, even after years of being Jooyeon's sole caregiver after they left, finally, happy.
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Eternity is cold. // Stray Kids
FanfictionFelix's eyes darted around the woods. A drop of rain fell on his forehead as he looked up. The freckled boy groaned, reaching into his back pocket for his phone only to find it gone. "Where the fuck did my phone go?" He muttered, his eyes glancing o...
