Choosing Jada [Book 2]

Ti Aspetto

It had been two days since I last saw her. If it wasn't for the hotel staff side eyeing me, I would have thought it was a nightmare. Beatrice kept calling and texting, but I was uninterested. I had still felt like I cheated, and I had failed Jada. I had failed our baby. She hated my guts, and rightfully so. I don't know if I preferred to go back. A part of my did. I wish I never felt my world crash, so I could forget the nights crying and drinking.

I wished she always felt safe with me. I prayed for this. I asked for this, for her to be alive. It's not exactly how I wanted it. There was so much more to do. So many questions, too, and this time, I couldn't trust a soul. Someone helped her uproot her life and start new. Someone helped fake her death. Someone close to me hid her. It could be anyone. Someone had to help her in all this deceit.

Their goal was to hurt me, to break me. Or maybe it was to rip this monster away from her captor. Someone had to help. I wasn't even sure if it was even worth looking into. Jada wanted nothing to do with me now. I sipped my coffee in the small lodging area in the front lobby.

I knew I had to make small, baby steps. I had to continue to be a better man, a less violent and angry man. A man with something to lose. I want to see our child. I hoped she was a girl who had her eyes and smile. Her beautiful smile. I want Jada to smile again. I had forgotten what her smile looked like. I wanted so many things. I would be happy to accomplish one.

Shift change began occurring as the hustle of more staff moving in and out of the break room. I scanned over the staff until I saw her cane. She walked with more of a limp into the back office. She didn't run off just yet. If I stayed around a bit longer, maybe an 8 hour shift. I could catch her. I can handle that. I just want to be here for hwe. She has to know, at least, I'm not the same as big and bad as I used to be.

There was no squad with me, and no background goons were coming to whisk her away. I couldn't even manage to do that, Jada hated my guts. That hurt every time I remembered. She hated me, she used to love me and now she didn't.

Time passed by too long, yet too fast. I only saw glimpses of Jada. A glance here and there. She walled with others and never looked my way. She was dodging me. I don't mean to be a stalker. I was still a hotel guest. I just wanted to meet my child. I could figure the rest out later. I wanted to build trust to restart our relationship that very likely could be dead. But I wouldn't not try. I had to try. This is what I've dreamed of. To see her beautiful face. To know she was okay. To be the person she needed when she was at her lowest and highest moments.

"What do you not understand about go home, Alessio," Jada snapped at me.

I had not realized how much time had passed, but it looked around mid afternoon, likely around lunchtime.

"I was hoping to talk to you," I responded.

"So you opt for stalking me instead of just getting this over with."

Jada voice wasn't loud, but it was filled with annoyance. She couldn't even fathom the difference she made in my life. The changes for the worst and for the better.

"You really see me as some big bad guy now. Fair. I haven't earned your trust. I just want to see our baby. I'm not who you think I am anymore. I'm not some big bad leader running a dangerous organization in America. I'm just a line cook. I work at a restaurant along the cost a few miles up. It's called Osteria Sottovento. Longest job I have been able to keep -"

"-I want you to leave me alone," Jada interrupted.

I let out a sigh. It was frustrating. How I wanted our reunion to be different. How I thought that if I ever saw her again, she would kiss me and look at me the way she used to. Instead, she stood annoyed with a cane in her hand. She blamed me. I blamed myself, too. I am not someone who apologized or did much fixing in my life. I had nowhere to start and unsure what I could do to make it better.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. It was a shame I had never really taken the chance to tell her. It wasn't the first thing that came out of my mouth. I had so many questions. I stood up and walked around her to the front desk to finally check out. I wasn't sure whether to be here every day or never come around until she was ready. I never had to prove myself as worthy enough.

"I would like to check out please," I told the front desk woman, Jada's boss.

The woman nodded as I handed her my hotel key card. I didn't want to give up, yet I didn't want to push her away. For a while, I would have to leave her alone. Maybe a few days, or a week or a month. I had to deal with Beatrice, who refused to stop texting and calling. Feeling anything was gut wrenched, and I hated it. I didn't want to run away from it, I was uncomfortable.

"Thank you for the stay,"I said.

She didn't say a word but nodded. I walked past Jada again, and she had not moved. She only watched as I left the hotel she worked at. Nothing hurt more than leaving her. Nothing felt more regretable than leaving her, again.

I couldn't tell if I was making a good choice. I had felt more doubt and found myself so unsure of what to do. I felt even more lost than before. I lost her, and I lost her for real. I lost the love and respect of the woman who meant the most to me. This wasn't a joke, I wasn't seeing things. I wasn't crazy. My heart ached, and I was rejected for months. I was getting the same treatment I dealt out. I had to repair this. For now, nothing but space was my best bet. At least for a few days.

I had walked to work, and it wasn't too far away. It helped a little to ease things, but not much. I was feeling every emotion from betrayal to disappointment to fear. What if she never came to see me. What if she runs off. What if I never see my kid. That had my blood boiling, and I regretted letting her off the hook. A part of me wanted to snatch her up and make her let me see him. It was easier to force my way, yet that's exactly how this all started. Before I could even hit the line, Beatrice was in my face.

"What's your fucking problem," she confronted me.

"Nothing, there is nothing going on. Mind your damn business," I snapped. Her face switched from appalled to sad. I managed to upset someone else.

"Look, couple of nights ago was a mistake. Just drop it, please."

A moment of sadness had turned into a whirlwind. What I wanted more than anything else was Jada. She's here, and somehow, so is our baby. Beatrice was a moment a grief. I wanted to explain it away. I couldn't. It felt like I had cheated. It had to be. Which made me feel like not much had changed.

I thought I had improved or became calmer but I was just coming off some grief alcoholism. I still slipped up and used another woman to help me feel better. I wanted to feel better because I was better. I needed to be a better man because my child deserved the best version of me. I walked off to the line to help prep dinner.

More than anything else, I knew I wanted to be a father to my  daughter or son. I wanted to be able to care for them. To love them and be available. That meant protecting their body and their soul. Jada needed me to present. She deserved better than the asshole I was. I needed to put distance between the me then and the me now, the man I wanted to be. I wanted to be so much more.

But I couldn't just want it. I had to keep my job and provide for my child. I needed to be available to help. Be ready for Jada to come by and be patient. It killed me to know so much. How I wanted to seek revenge on the monsters who hid her from me. Who had the power and connection to hide her out of her? To keep up such a big lie like this. Someone had been pulling some major strings, and that bothered me.

I couldn't do anything without Jada letting me in. Even if she did, I doubt she would want me to be involved. More than anything, I needed my eyes open and peeled. I needed to keep the danger as far away from myself so she and our child could stay safe. I would keep all the trouble in the world away from her, being the best man she could depend upon. So our child could depend on me as well.