Choosing Jada [Book 2]

Same Feelings

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

I was startled by the loud yelling and scrambled up in a stupor. I looked around, but I couldn't see anyone. I looked to my left; the crib was set up, and I looked over Matteo, who was still sleeping. I stared a little harder and watched to make sure I watched his chest rise and fall. He was still breathing. I stood up and heard the yelling of Alessio muffled from outside, still loud. I wrapped the robe around me, then opened the balcony sliding door, quickly closing it behind me softly. Even if he is mad, he can't yell like this. He has got to quiet down. I had no idea the time either. It seemed early, but the sun had already risen. The next thing I knew, Alessio was screaming into the phone.

"What is that supposed to mean, you petty idiot? You couldn't be bothered to check on him!" He yelled.

I wasn't exactly sure how to calm him down, but I knew I needed to. He was engrossed in whatever argument he was having. I walked over to him; he happened to turn around, see me, and try to shove me away. He was too blind to see that others might hear him. It didn't take long for him to lose his cool, though, as he slammed the phone on the ground. He began to pace, and I was unsure how best to handle him.

"What?" Alessio said, turning around angrily.

"You need to remember having a baby and yelling like this is going to wake him," I said.

I was a bit annoyed by his actions, but I tried to look past it; we didn't need to be best friends. Just get along enough to get through this. One day at a time. He looked so angry, I thought he might blow a gasket. I didn't want to pry, but his temper needed to stay in check.

"What happened?"

It was silent for a moment. Alessio pulled out a second phone and made a quick text before looking back up at me.

"Stupidity," he said briefly.

Was this even a good idea? I was starting to second-guess my idea to even try and be kind. He was nothing but passively aggressive, but it's not like I could do anything about the issue. I am helpless and useless to these huge problems.

"Alright.."

I began to walk away, but before I could leave, Alessio grabbed my hand, stopping me in my tracks. I felt confused as I looked into his angry eyes.

"I'm not upset with you. I'm sorry for yelling. No one has checked on Luca in weeks. No one had his back. He died alone, with no one looking out for him. Our parents were too busy fighting."

I let out a soft sigh. It was sad to hear no one was able to watch his back; Lorenzo couldn't have. He was no good and had stabbed us all in the back, but Luca got the brunt of all of our mistakes. It was quiet for a few moments before Alessio leaned down and our lips pressed. I didn't even see it coming; I was just looking at him, and then he was kissing me. I felt myself melt again. Why did I enjoy his lips? Why did I like it when he wrapped his arm around me? Why did all the feelings I thought I was over with come back? The more I kissed him back, the more I didn't think I cared anymore. I'm allowed to want comfort and to give it. I'm allowed to falter. How could I not?

Alessio didn't hesitate to pin me against the cold glass sliding door, and I gasped at the cold. His tongue entered my mouth and swirled around. The more he touched, the more I wanted him. The more he kissed, the hotter I felt. I felt his hand travel up my shirt until he tried to grab my sore, swollen breasts. I broke the kiss and gently pushed his hand down. He tried to kiss me again, but Matteo began to cry, and it was like the whole mood for me soured.

I looked down and noticed that not only were my pants wet, but so was my shirt as I started to leak overdue milk. I moved past him and headed back into the bedroom to retrieve our son. I had not even had a moment to realize he had slept through most of the night. I was overdue to feed him; in fact, I should have pumped. But I was distracted very easily. It was embarrassing to realize I had lost all inhibitions. It was more annoying how much I enjoyed just kissing him again. It had just been me for a long time. Nurses, doctors, and other people helped me while I was recovering, but I had to push so hard. I thought I hated Alessio. It was frustrating that he was still the same big hero; it made him hard to hate. He always showed me the different sides of me, but he still showed me more parts of himself. He still teased me like he used to. He still kept me as his center, even when I swore he didn't need to. Even when I didn't want it, he still cared for me. At no point did I want him to stop.

I didn't want my life to be in danger. I didn't want my son to be at risk, but even in my attempt to keep us away from him, we still ended up with him. And he, yet again, didn't second guess doing everything to protect us. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I couldn't even pinpoint what my true feelings were. I was scared to face Alessio. I hated how my feelings were coming back, which seemed even more ridiculous. I knew how this all started; I wasn't given a choice. I fell for him like an idiot, yet here he comes stomping back into my life.

Matteo needed to be burped, so I placed him over my shoulder and patted him. I knew the kind of man Alessio was. He was a liar, a cheater and the worse thing that had ever happened to me, yet my heart and body still held out hope for him. Nothing in my life had ever been the same since the day I met him.