Reflections in Your Gaze ⋆ Jungwon

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Dear Jiwon,

I hope this letter finds you even though you're so far away. It's kind of cheesy that I'm writing you a letter like this when you're just a phone call away, but I wanted to try it out. Not gonna like it makes me feel like those historical drama male leads sending romantic letters to the girl they love.

So how is your life in Korea? Have you made any new friends? You probably have, you know you have a way of making people instantly take interest in you. Everything is going very well here, however I have to say that school will never be the same without you.

I've been thinking about you lately and I really miss having you around. Life here really isn't as lively without you, things just seem so quiet and dull. I've been thinking back on a lot of the memories that we've shared over the years. Like how we actually hated each other the first time we met. That was one eventful time of our lives, I could never imagine myself becoming friends with you back then but look how far we've gotten now.

I think a lot about the times when we would joke around in class instead of doing any of the work and later stressing about it the night it was due. The way we would fight about who would bring the water during lunch break because both of us were too lazy to do it. A lot of my happiest memories were made with you and it's still so hard for me to believe that you've moved across the world to a whole other country.

To be honest I was always jealous of Jungwon, I mean the way you only wanted him to hold the title of 'Your boy best friend'. And it used to annoy me because we were also such close friends, and I just couldn't seem to understand why it was always just Jungwon for you. It annoyed me when there were times when all you did was just talk about him. How you and Jungwon were such close friends and it almost made me wonder what we were? Weren't we also close? Aren't we close? After everything we've done and everything we've gone through, why were you still so reluctant to label me as your best friend.

There were so many good guys in front of you but you couldn't seem to let go of your old childhood friend. I was right in front of you! I know that you've gone back to Korea and are with Jungwon now and that must make you really happy but I want to let you know that I can't take it anymore.

I've watched you prioritise Jungwon time and time over me for far too long. All it took was one one ring on the phone and you'd suddenly be running away to speak to him through the phone, abandoning any plans that we were in the middle of no matter the situation and it was as if his wants and needs meant more than mine to you.

I hope you understand how it feels to constantly be pushed aside as the second option, to watch you laugh on the phone with him for hours while I'm just sitting there waiting to hope to catch even the tiniest bit of your attention.

There's something that I've always wanted to tell you and it was only when you left that I realised how much I regretted not telling this to you earlier. I love you Jiwon, I can't remember when I first began to fall for you but I want you to know that I'll continue loving you. Even though you're with Jungwon and I'm pushed away once again like the second lead.

I want you to know that I will continue to love you and I'll do everything in my power to make you love me.

With love, James.