I am dedicating this chapter to, BreathingInMusic. Thanks for the comment love made me smile. Ill keep dedicating to you beautiful people :)
-----------------------------
Hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy!
-----------------------------
As i seen Zayn walked through the door i panicked silently. I would have never of done this if I knew. But he was and i had two options stay or run. I needed the money so which do you think i chose. Finally once he turned around and we made eye I could tell by his face he was surprised and confused.
"Niall?"His voice scared, confused, angry. I only nodded my head deciding now i would play it off for now i would be cool about it.
"Zayn"I heard someone clap happily i turned to look at the lady in charge.
"We all know each other! That's so great, This will be better then i imagined."Zayn still looking at my said nothing. I just smiled at her after all she the reason i get to eat tonight.
"here to please"She smirked.
"Zayn darling come sit."He didn't move he looked scared He wanted to run and I would blame him if he did. I could see her face light up in excitement which i didn't understand he was defying her.
"I take it the two of you aren't friends?"Her voice full of excitement. "This should be interesting, Zayn sit"The last two words full of venom he finally looked at her.
"Sorry i was surprised."She only gave him a small smile
"That's okay dear, Would you two like a drink or should we just get to it."Zayns face twisted into some kind of emotion i have never seen.
"Lets just do this."
"Eager as always zayn" She smiled.
I sat on the edge of the bed quietly watching them he seems comfortable here and I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why he was even here. Was he here for the same reason as me? Did he need the money to run? Or was he here because he liked it. I wanted to know allot but i knew i wouldn't ask him. I wouldn't allow myself to care. Right now all that matters is the money even if that means i have to sleep with him. So i choose to ignore the butterfly's in my stomach, I choose to ignore the fear, I choose to ignore the voice in the back of my head screaming this is wrong, I need this. So i watched as he came to sit on the bed with me he kept his distant his eyes haven't met mine yet. I seen from the corner of my eye that she was pulling a chair into the corner dimming the lights and it was like she vanished.
"Just pretend I'm not here"She whispered "Its just you two, Go ahead boys."
With that zayn finally looked at me and i knew he was nervous. It was written on his face he honestly didn't know what to do. So I knew it was up to me, Someone with no experience someone that was just as scared. I knew i couldn't go into the numbness that when i do these kind of things i had to be awake and alert and me but right now i didn't want to be. I wanted to run into the numbness close him off and never have to look or talk to him again but i couldn't. So i searched his eyes raising my hands slowly letting him know i was going to touch him. I watched his reaction as i slowly moved as close as i needed to be, taking both hands grabbing either side of his jacket taking it off slowly. As my fingers brushed his neck i heard him gasp his lips forming a shape of an O his eyes go dark. I didn't know what that meant but i continued until he finally pulled his hand through and I threw the jacket to the ground never once leaving his eyes. His eyes asked for permission as he slowly reached out to do the same he was careful though his hands not touching my skin and i didn't mind in honesty i hate being touched more then anything in the world. But i knew in just a few moments he would touch me and yes it scared me but ill deal with it later ill turn it off and never think of it again. Once my jacket laid with his, his arms fell to his sides. I didn't know what to do next I never done this before last time she did it all for me. My mind raced through what happened that night trying to get a clue on what to do next. I left his eyes only for a moment. His shirt was next. I reached out again my eyes back onto his as i grabbed the hem of his shirt. His silent agreement was noticed as he lifted his hands in the air. As soon as it was off my eyes searched his chest yes he might be fit his abs very defined and my first instinct was to touch them but I didn't because the only thing i really seen were the scars, the marks, small bubble has be been burned? I felt anger they looked new I hardly noticed as he took off my shirt my arms automatically going up. I didn't think that he would see my scars for once i wasn't worried about them or me my mind was racing with ways to hurt the man that hurt him. I don't know what made me do it, where my sudden courage came from but i got up I knew his eyes were on me i walked in front of him leaning down so i faced his chest. I looked up to his eyes once more he was confused his eyes full of alarm but i did it anyway my fingers reached out to trace one of his scars. His whole body tensed and i understood but i couldn't stop i began to trace another his skin so soft my fingers tingled i noticed the sudden change in the room for once it actually felt like we were doing this my heart picking up his breathing getting slower. I stopped thinking about it I turned off my head what happens, happens. Ill deal with the consequences later. I brought my lips to his chest kissing the bruises and the burns I heard him sigh with relief all the tension leaving his body I smiled a little, Is this help him?. I continued to kiss down his chest my nose running along his skin he smelled so good he felt so good. i let up only for a moment to push him down to lay on the bed he moved all the way up to place his head on the pillow his eyes not leaving mine. I know now the darkness in his eyes is want, lust. I spread his legs slightly so i could lay in between them I could feel his hard on, on my chest and i liked it. I gave him a small smirk and he bit his lip hiding his. I brought my lips back to his chest kissing in the bad places nipping at the good. I hear a small growl come from his throat and i know I'm doing this right. and before i knew it i was the one on my back with him straddling me. I could feel the tension in the air, that pull i always felt toward him strong then ever like a blanket wrapping us to be one and I want this, i want to do this with him. When his lips touched my skin i gasped in surprise the way it felt was expected i usually flinch away from touches yet i found myself wanting his loving the way it feels. i felt myself pushing my hips up liking the friction and soon he was pushing down we found a steady rhythm his lips still all over my body i let out soft moans my body so use to pain is for the first time feeling real pleasure. I found my hands in his hair and its feels just as perfect as it looks. But the best feeling off it all is how his tongue runs over my body like it knows where to go like its been here before. When he finally looks up at me his eyes shining with emotion i never seen I tilted my hand I wanted to kiss him. A real kiss not just because of what were doing so i will wait. Ill let my lips find his a different time but for now i want to take him in and that's what we do. Two fucked up boys in the same position looking at each other scars wondering how they got there and if it will ever end just wanting someone that understands, and we do.
"Boys"I jumped at the sound I forgot she was there."Please the wait its killing me."That's when something changed in zayns eyes. He was shocked, angry, disappointed and scared. He slowly pulled away from me and just as i though my heart was in my throat.
"Zayn?"I whispered he looked down at me.
"I cant Niall I'm sorry."He whispered then turned to her. "I have to go i cant be here"He threw on his clothes leaving in a hurry I sat up and blinked. Just like that? Hes gone.? I got up in shock throwing my clothes back on. I turned to her in a daze.
"I'm sorry for his actions, Would you like me to stay?"She sighed.
"No here give zayn his half, There was history with you two I'm guessing?"I shook my head.
"No i just met him a few weeks ago under a bridge."She looked at me shocked but i took the money and walked away.
Once the outside air hit me i took a deep breathe. Everything hit me at once everything i didn't want to think of. I did this to myself i knew the risk of it i knew once i stop thinking and let it happen it wouldn't have ended very good. I did the one thing i have been trying so hard to not let happen i never wanted to feel. I didn't want to like any of that not his skin or his touch or the way he made me feel like i was worth something. the way just his fingers were so careful, like he cared like i meant something. I didn't want to care about him and his pain but i did i couldn't help it. I couldn't stop from wanting to cry, to take his pain with mine, to banish all his bad thoughts, to kiss away the tear i know he cries every night. I didn't want any of that but yet without knowing i did. I thought he would understand me because we are the same. I let myself open up just this once even though every once of me was screaming for me to run i gave myself to him and he didn't want it then again who would? Who would want someone so fucked up? Who would want someone that just gives up? Who would want someone so broken beyond compare? Who would want someone like me? I don't even want me. My father didn't want me and everyone leaves why did i want him to be different why did i suddenly care.
"Because your alone" something in the back of my head screamed. But that's what i wanted i wanted to be alone.
"No you don't your just scared." Shut up! I couldn't listen to myself anymore. That stupid Innocent boy i once was trying to break free I did what i needed to do to protect the ones i do love and who love me. I couldn't bring this on them
"But you brought it on zayn" I didn't mean to. I didn't want to it just happened. something about him I'm just so drawn in. That invisible pull and i know he feels it to that to blame. Who does he think he is? He just barged into my life trying to "help me" I didn't want help. He told them about me putting them into danger. i didn't want that. I didn't want him at all but tonight i did. I wanted something from someone for the first time in a long time. of course it was him why wouldn't it be? God hates me he wants me to feel pain there is no other way to see it. and now i know I'm alone.
He left me and I'm alone.
The tears started to flow from my eyes I'm alone. I didn't want to feel this i couldn't take it falling apart all over again yet again for the first time. I couldn't feel my heart shatter to a million pieces again. I tried to go under i tried to find the numbness that comes to me so quickly i wanted to push it all away but i couldn't. The dark numbness that covers me wouldn't come, Its gone. I brought my hand to my chest it hurt to bad. The sobs coming out of my mouth i couldn't hear anymore it just sounded like i couldn't catch my breathe. Because i couldn't, I couldn't breathe. I was alone.
- -
I found myself pounding on the door but it was so soft i was so weak. My chest was going to explode i still couldn't breathe. I waited and waited until a light finally turned on. The door opened hesitantly he stood there rubbing his tired eyes.
"H-H-Harry"
------------------------------------------
Hello! Sorry for the late update. Hope it was worth it? Let me know what you thought and what you thinks going to happen. Why do you think zayn left? Will Niall be okay? Love hearing predictions!. Sorry for any mistakes I'm sure there are tons. As always thanks for reading it means the world to me.
