I am dedicating this chapter to ZiallLover. I love her and she in her own way from her encouragement helped me write this chapter. thanks for that :). Ill keep dedicating to you guys :)
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I liked this chapter it was interesting to write. I hope you like it. Enjoy.!
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(NIALL POV)
I wrapped the blanket more securely around me as the wind threatened to brake through. It was cold tonight, colder then any night I have slept outside. I have been homeless for 2months now. It was allot harder then I thought. I mean i knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think I would have to do the things I do now just to survive. I looked around at my surroundings for the hundredth time tonight. I'm not sure what brought me to this spot under the small broken bridge. If it was because it was near the shops and school if it was because of the beautiful lake that was hidden here all this time. I jumped at the sound of my stomach growling its like a tiger trying to get out. I couldn't eat again today i already stole what i could from the local market. I had my guitar but it was to cold my fingers wouldn't play right. Thankfully tomorrow is Monday which means school. Yes i still go to school i didn't want to disappear completely. I needed an education its hard enough now to try and get a job i could only imagine how they would look at me if i said i had no diploma. I would at least get to eat there. I would try and snag something to eat for dinner if i could. I laid down with my head on my bag. The pillow i use to have was ruined from the rain. I felt the coldness from the ground creep through my blanket i shivered. Its okay Niall soon things will be okay. I chant that to myself every night until i close my eyes and drift to sleep. My dreams aren't really dreams they are about the horrible reality.
I opened my eyes jumping from the loud truck horn. I looked up at the sky it was beginning to go light. I checked the beaten up dollar watch i had on my wrist.5:30. I got up my back aching grabbing my bag placing the blanket and the rest in the bush at the edge, I walked into the first public place i seen that had a bathroom. I smiled at the lady behind the counter walking to the back. I shut the door behind me locking it. I pulled out the change of clothes and an old wash rag. I pulled out the bar of soap and little bottle of shampoo. I quickly washed up making sure i got everything clean. I washed my hair letting the hand drier that was attached to the wall dry it. I got dressed throwing all the dirty things back in the bag. I looked up in the mirror and sighed. My face was paler then usual slimmer then before i have lost allot of weight. My blue eyes don't shine anymore and my hair needs redyed.My braces will need to be taken out soon and i don't know where to go to get it done. My body was disgusting but that i was use to. I backed away my eyes leaving the mirror. I don't understand how its got this far.
I walked through school unseen. Its like I'm invisible to everyone here but to me that's good. I don't want them to notice i don't want them to see what i turned into. People talk though i hear it sometimes. They will be telling a story and my name will be brought up and then they will go silent looking around to make sure nobody could hear.
"What ever happen to that kid?"
"Ever since his mom died he has been like walking death."
"I'm not even sure he knows where he is or what he is doing"
"Its ashamed the poor boy use to be on top he use to be fun and amazing but now look at him."
"He doesn't even talk to his friends anymore. He turned into a nobody."
Then they would go back to talking like nothing happened, like nothing mattered. They didn't understand they think they do but none of them even consider the possibility that it has nothing to do with my mom. Part of who i am now is a result from her death but i would never blame her for the person i turned into. They did have one thing right i have no friends. Its been 5months without a word to the three people that mean the most to me in this world. I sometimes see them staring at me. Harry with concerned watery eyes, Liam with protection. Louis with pain. They want to help me but i knew they wouldn't try. I told them to stay away that i hated them, that i will never need them, that they were nothing to me, That i could find people better. I lied to keep them safe even if my words hurt. I don't think they believed them but yet they still keep a distance like they are waiting for me to brake but ill never brake i couldn't. I'm slowly loosing that ability to care that they left that they i made them leave. I'm loosing the ability to care at all. I can feel myself sometimes trying to escape from the lifeless body from the frozen heart but i never will let it happen. ill never let my guard down it hurts to much. The numb feeling keeps me from remembering, keeps me from feeling. So i stay that way numb, cold, lifeless.
The rest of the day went fast before i knew it i was heading "home". Yes i considered it home its all i have. I was half way there when i heard the whistles. I looked over to see two guys standing there with a smirk placed on their faces.I started to walk fast not sure how to take it.
"Hey beautiful.!"I stopped in my tracks are they still talking about me? Did he really just call me beautiful. I shook my head no they weren't. I took another step.
"Yes I'm talking to you. Wait up." I don't know why i stopped again I'm not sure what was going through my mind. I turned to face him.
"What?" I tried to sound annoyed, i tried to sound angry but no emotion showed nothing.
"I see you walking past here everyday. I find you quite fascinating to be honest so one day i followed you."I raised my eyebrow I knew I should have felt scared and I knew I should have ran away because honestly that's creepy. But I couldn't even make myself feel that.
"So I know that you don't have a home, I know you struggle. I know a way for you to make a little bit of money."For some reason my heart started to race. Was this stranger going to help me?
"H-how?" He held out his left hand.
"Take my hand and follow me"And i automatically caught on.
Even though it was dark i could still see my reflection in the water perfectly. My hair now messy, my clothes a wrinkled mess. My red tear stained face i felt disgusting. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I hated every bit of it. They way he forced his tongue to move with mine, The way his hands touched all the wrong places, The way his mouth moved along my neck down my chest with sloppy kisses. The way he rushed it all. The way when i was unsure of what to do he laughed. The way when i went slower trying to feel good he forced me to go faster. The way he left scratches on my back. They way he pulled my hair. Mostly the way he smelled and tasted of nothing but alcohol. He was rough and uncaring like i was nothing but a toy. I should have know he didn't care that i was just that a toy. I lost the one thing i had left to man i still don't know the name of. It was no ones fault but my own. I could have said no, I could have walked away. I chose to go along his intentions were clear from the beginning. When things started to get uncomfortable i could have said no but I didn't i let him go on. I did it all for money but even when he handed me three hundred dollars it made me feel worse. I felt dirty. Is this what i will become? A person that sleeps around for money? I keep telling myself it was a one time thing but what happens when this money is gone? When Summer comes along and i wont have food from school to live off of? Will i turn to that man again? I sighed shutting off my brain waiting and welcoming the numb feeling that will make all the pain go away. Sometimes i think it might be better to just end it all to tie bricks to myself going to the middle of this lake letting myself go to the bottom and never return. I stood there in the same place for hours not thinking, not feeling just breathing. I didn't move until i heard the soft footsteps coming close. I turned my head my blue eyes meeting a pair of brown ones. I wasn't sure how i seen them in the dark but i don't think anyone would have missed them. I seen all the emotions flicker through his eyes. I never was in this situation before nobody ever bothered to come down here before. I wondered how long he was there before i noticed his presence. Did he see me cry? He moved a little closer i squinted to see his face. He looked vaguely familiar. I skimmed through my brain trying to put a name to his face. Then I remembered my normal numb turned into panic will he notice anything? Will he tell? Does he even know me? How do i play this off?.His name was Zayn Malik he goes to my school.
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Hello Lovelies.! I'm sorry this is short i promise they will get longer :) Let me know if you like it. What you thought and all that. I love knowing what you guys think. Sorry for any mistakes I'm sure there are a few. As always thanks for reading it means the world to me :)
