Paperclips - YJH

Twenty

A week passed in the hospital. After a week of complete rest and recovery, sometimes some co-workers would visit me. They would bring flowers and gifts, expressing their relief that I was okay. It was heartwarming to see their concern and support during my time of need. Today I'm back in Seoul, and since it's a Sunday, I decided to visit my mother.

As I entered the house, I couldn't help but notice how slightly different everything looked from what I remembered from nine years ago. The furniture had been rearranged, and there were new pictures on the walls. It felt like a mix of nostalgia and unfamiliarity as I walked through the familiar rooms, reminiscing about the past while also appreciating the changes that had taken place in my absence. I never had the chance to come back to Korea because my mother never let me; she was the one visiting me in LA from time to time. So in a way, stepping into the house I grew up in got me feeling somewhat nostalgic.

"Miss Y/N! It's been so long!" One of our maids rushed towards me with a huge smile plastered across her face.

I greeted her back with a smile before asking her about my mother's whereabouts. She guided me to the study since that was where my mother was. It wasn't surprising.

"Hello mom," I politely smiled as I sat next to her on the couch placed in the lavish study.

She gave me a curt look before adjusting her glasses. "Why didn't you visit?"

"I did, now." I responded with another polite smile. Arguing with my mom is never a good idea, and I don't want to argue right now. I quickly changed the subject by asking her about her day, hoping to divert her attention away from my absence. However, she paid no heed to my words as she continued to stare at me with a stern expression. It was clear that my attempt to change the subject was futile, and I braced myself for what was to come.

"Where were you all these days? Where do you work now?" She questioned me even though her gaze was fixed on the stack of papers in her hands.

"HYBE labels," I answered.

Her expression suddenly changes, and she's looking at me with a surprised face. "HYBE labels??" She removed her glasses before she spoke again: "Isn't that where that boy Jeonghan works??"

My lips parted in surprise, as I wasn't expecting her to bring him up. "Why... Do you ask??"

"So is this why you returned to Korea!?" She raised her voice in disappointment. I could sense the disapproval in her tone as she continued to question my motives for returning.

"What-- no! I didn't even know he was working there!" I quickly tried to explain, but she cut me off with a disapproving look.

"You can't fool me. I know you still have feelings for him," she said sternly. I felt a wave of frustration wash over me as I realised she had already made up her mind about my intentions.

I scoffed in disbelief. "That- I... I don't..." I hated myself for not being able to deny it.

She stood up with a blank expression and said, "Quit your job. Join my company." I was taken aback by her sudden offer, wondering if this was her way of trying to keep me away from him. As I stared at her in disbelief, she added, "It's for your own good."

With wide eyes, I stood up as well, "My own good?"

I looked away with a scoff of disbelief before looking back at her, "Nine years. You sent me away for nine years." I could feel my eyes tearing up as I struggled to speak my mind, "I finally got the courage to return and do what I like. Why... do you have to come in between, mom?" I muttered in anger, unable to hold back the tears that were now streaming down my face.

Her expression softened as she walked towards me and held my hand, "I don't want you to end up like your brothe-"

"YOU did that to him." I blurted out, pulling my hand away. The pain of the past was still raw, and I wasn't ready to forgive or forget, no matter how hard I tried. Her eyes filled with an unexplainable emotion as she watched me. "He didn't 'end up' like that, he was abandoned! By his own mother!" I watched as she looked down.

My eyes widened as I realised what I just said, knowing that talking about my older brother was a forbidden topic and that my mother hated hearing about him. I hated how I still felt like a puppet controlled by her, but I never thought I would lash out at her like this, just because she brought up Jeonghan.

I grabbed my belongings from the couch as I rushed out of the house. I couldn't stay in there any longer. As I hailed a cab towards the train station, I tried my best to keep myself from crying. I needed to get away from the suffocating atmosphere at home and clear my head. The sound of the train approaching provided a sense of relief, signalling my escape from the tension-filled environment. The long train ride back provided me with no peace, but somehow I was glad I going back. I watched the mountains, rivers, houses, and gardens pass by through the window , finding solace in the changing scenery. It was a temporary escape, but one that offered a much-needed break from the chaos at home.

As I stepped into my apartment, I threw the bags onto the floor as I let myself fall onto the couch, with a plastic bag full of alcohol I bought on my way back. I poured myself a glass and drank it. As soon as the alcohol touched my stomach, tears started streaming down my face like a waterfall , releasing the pent-up emotions that had been building inside me during the entire journey. I let myself get carried away with the alcohol, unable to stop as I couldn't stop crying.

Unknowingly, I reached for my phone and dialled Jeonghan's number. I had nothing to say to him, and I had nothing to hear from him, but I felt like there needed to be a thousand word exchange between us at this moment. The alcohol numbed my emotions as I listened to the dialling, waiting for him to pick up.

"Hello?" A familiar voice from the other end brought me comfort for a split second as I smiled drunkenly.

"Jeo... Jeonghan, right?" I slurred, struggling to form coherent words. "It's me, Y/N. I just... needed to hear your voice." I knew for a fact that sober me would've slapped myself right now, but in this moment, all I wanted was to feel some kind of connection with him. Even if I was selfish, I really wanted to do this. The silence that followed felt heavy, as if the distance between us had grown even larger.

"Did you drink?" He asked, his tone a mix of concern and disappointment. I felt a pang of guilt, realising I had probably crossed a line by calling him in this state.

"A bit." I chuckled nervously. "I have things to say to you..." I trailed off in a moment of hesitation, unsure of how to proceed. The weight of my words hung in the air, waiting for his response.

"You are drunk, Y/N. Don't-"

"NO! I couldn't say these nine years ago, so I'll say them now- OW!" I dropped my phone as I tripped and fell, hitting my alcohol filled stomach somewhere, which resulted in a sudden urge to vomit. I ran out of the room to my washroom and vomit, unaware that Jeonghan was still on call, shouting for my name in concern.

"Y/N? Y/N! What happened- I'll come there." Jeonghan's voice echoed in my ears as I tried to compose myself, the regret of my impulsive confession sinking in. I quickly tried to call him back to tell him not to, but my phone switched off due to low battery. It's too late now.