War Never Ends

Chapter 11

(Dipper pov)

I jerk awake as the bus comes to a stop. Looking out the window I see that it's my stop. I stand up grabbing my bag pulling it over my shoulder before I step off the bus.

As I step off the bus I spot James leaning back against his car with his phone in hand. As I walk over to him he puts his phone in his jacket pocket.

"Hey, you doing okay, Dipper?"

I just give a weak shrug, looking down at the ground. "Can we just get going?"

"Yeah, come on."

I put my bag in the backseat before climbing in the passenger seat, James in the driver's seat. He starts the car and drives out of there as I rest my head on the window. Glancing out the window I see buildings pass by us but it's not like I'm really seeing anything. Or maybe it's just now that I'm not interested or care about any of the things I see. Every part of me inside just feels numb, like nothing else could ever possibly matter.

The car stops as we get to an apartment complex. We get out of the car as I grab my bag pulling it over my shoulder again. I follow James to the door, watching as he punches a code in for the door to open. He holds the door open for me before leading me up a few flights of stairs. He stops as one door as he takes some keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door.

I follow him into the apartment, making sure to shut the door behind me.

"James?" A woman wearing hospital scrubs with red hair and a pixie cut walks into the room. James goes over to her kissing her on the cheek before he turns to me.

"Dipper, this is my girlfriend, Amber. Amber, this is Dipper. We served together."

"Right, I remember now. James talks about you all the time, Dipper. Anyway, I have to get to work, there is leftovers in the fridge or you two can order some food." She kisses James on the lips before she walks out the door. James clears his throat before talking.

"The apartment only has one bedroom so you'll have to crash on the couch. Sorry about that."

"Don't be. It's honestly fine."

"You want anything to eat or drink?"

"Just water is fine." He heads to the kitchen.

I set my bag on the ground before sitting on the couch. James comes out setting my glass of water on the coffee table before taking a seat in a nearby armchair. "What exactly is going on with you, Dipper?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you go four months ignoring my calls and emails then just call me out of the blue saying that you can't stay with your sister anymore and desperately need somewhere else to crash for a while. Did your sister kick you out or something?"

"No, she wouldn't do that in a million years. It isn't anything like that."

"Then what exactly is going on?"

"......why didn't you or anyone else tell me I killed a kid after that grenade went off?"

"The doctor said you might have memory issues after the explosion but he couldn't be sure until you were awake and responsive. And when you did wake up you didn't mention anything about it. I thought you either didn't remember, which I didn't want to remind you of, or you did remember and just didn't want to talk about it."

"Every night for the last four months I've been having nightmares. Fragments of what happened after that grenade went off and I was dragged to safety. Only a few days ago did I remember that kid coming at me with the knife and......and what I did to him......"

"It was a fucked situation, Dipper. He was a kid who was raised in a battle zone. He would have killed you, you just did what you had to do."

"I just.....I-I can't sleep, I am barely eating anything. I can't go out in public without having the worst panic attacks in my life. My sister jumped on me, something she's done a hundred times, but this time I just threw her to the floor and pointed a knife at her. When I woke from a nightmare I had a knife to my friend's throat. When my sister set off fireworks it felt like I was back there with that grenade."

"Things like this take time. Dipper, have you thought about seeking professional help?"

"Like a therapist? No, I can't talk about this stuff with some random person." I pull my knees to my chest resting my chin on my knees.

"Okay, it doesn't have to be a professional. Is there anyone close to you that you'd feel comfortable opening up to? Family or friends?"

"I was close to a friend that was staying to help but......no, there isn't."

"Dipper, I know it is very easy to shut people out after everything that happened. But trust me when I say that doing the harder thing and letting people in, is the only way that things start to get better."

".......how are you able to have a relationship with your girlfriend after everything? I mean.....doesn't the stuff that happened effect you at all?"

"Of course it does. And for some time I did what you're doing. I pushed her and everyone else in my life away because it felt easier to try and deal with it myself. But it didn't make anything better."

"So then how do you do it?"

"A lot of time and effort. It isn't easy but in the end it's worth it."

"Does she know about the stuff that happened over there?"

"Not in explicit detail but yeah I did tell her what happened."

"And she's just fine with it?"

"Yeah, as long as there is open communication between us then she's happy to be here and help me. It just takes time."