Barry Deeks The Bizarre and Enchanting Life

Chapter 2

My infancy

I can remember being in my grandfathers house, whenever we went around to see him he would say through the door at us, "Not today thank you". He had ginger hair, he was an ex-army captain and a boss in Octel petrochemical company. He was a very headstrong and forthright man. He was the kind of man who would want to be on the front line with his men. His survival was not actually down to the luck of bullet dodging, he actually fell off his bike the day before going to war. How glad I am, this body might not have taken this form if it were not for my grandfathers ironic good fortune.

I can remember seeing my sister crawl, this was in my grandpa's home and she's approximately two and a half years younger than me. I can remember going to nursery and at home watching Orvil, Button Moon, the Moomins and Sesame Street. The first summer holiday I had remembered was probably when I was around three years of age it seemed to last an eternity. At the age of five I walked home from school one day, one of my elite said that I might notice a change that night.

I was lying in my bed that night and the dark room lit up then it went dark again, I jumped out of bed, drew back my curtains and watched the night sky turn to day and day to night. The process sped up and then slowed down I appeared to travel in time by about a fortnight. I assumed that I had travelled back in time by a couple of weeks but I could not bring myself to believe that I had actually been through such an experience. Was it an illusion?

Something I can better fathom is teleportation, I was teleported from a ladies back garden to the shops round the block from round where I used to live, just three blocks away, quicker than I could blink. No flashing lights or lengthy worm holes get that shit out of your heads. When I appeared outside the local shops I didn't feel the Earth move or anything weird like that.

My elite visitations continued outside the school gates, by tall men in black suits, they came with their cryptic messages, "Please do something for mankind If of course you can't do anything we can sort it out but please do something".

The elite told me that there were so many people in this world from their world that I couldn't fail. They made suggestions like saying 'how could anyone have such effect with letters'?

Asking a five year old to save mankind is something you should never do. Saving a species such as the much talked about humans without telling someone is also quite rude, this is why I write.

In school at the age of six a young girl in my class told me, "Its said that life is like a test, the test in life of Barry Deeks would be the hardest of all mankind and for that reason there are many people here in this world to help you". Everyone I have come into contact with even to speak to has been elite. Everyone I ever fought has been awake, I only won thanks to their generosity. I may have been much physically stronger in many cases but it doesn't even compare to mind power.

In the junior school that I went to which I was transferred to was where I had my first girlfriend. We used to play twisters holding on to each other for anchorage and spinning round and round on the grass. We would cycle together in the cornfields and enjoy the occasional kiss. She was older than me it felt very exciting at that age.

One of the thousands of fights I had was with six boys I drew blood on two and the other four scarpered. I had been boxing since six years of age and weight training fairly early, it's a mugs game that's why I gave it up, there were many one punch merchants in my former high school.

Later in Birkenhead I kissed hundreds of women, I could quite easily go into a karaoke pub, dominate the microphone, without the need for a drink and kiss most of the ladies in the pub. At the time of writing I am in hospital starved of affection.

When I moved junior schools the teachers put me in a special needs class which I felt held me back, I felt very frustrated. I did a lot of simple maths but nothing really challenging. Perhaps this was my required rumination as is part of my philosophy that gave rise to my contemplation and thus postulation. The essence of uniqueness that gave rise to the final products that were these books. I wrote the "Controversiality of Religion", which gave forth the inspiration to write this one, "The Bizarre and Enchanting Life of Barry Deeks".