Exile || Sebastian Sallow

21 | Tolerate It

21 | Tolerate It

Belle's Perspective

These days, it felt like time was passing me by without my notice, like friends suddenly turning into acquaintances and then into nothing even if all you've ever known was innocence. A constant whir of why on your end. Such a ghostly path all of a sudden though you could've sworn you held someone's hand before.

When I'd woken up this morning from a rather perplexing, dreadful dream, I didn't even realize it was game day again. Our house won against the Gryffindors a week ago, and now we were competing against Slytherin.

I'd been excused from all my classes today because I wasn't feeling very well. Nurse Blainey made excuses for me and brewed some more potions with the help of Professor Sharp to help tamper my ancient magic.

All the professors knew about my ancient magic considering what had happened in fifth year, and they knew how much it affected me. But they didn't know the real effect it had on me these days, the truth held on my tongue. I was sure they were just helping me because I'd saved the school.

The hours had passed while I kept still under the covers inside the Ravenclaw dormitory, wandering in and out of the cages of my mind. Salt streamed out of my eyes a few times when I thought of all the things I was before fifth year.

When I thought of the constant fighting with Ethan, and all his comforting smiles on my darkest days, but how I felt the storm creeping in whenever he was around nowadays. It was as if the yellow carnations he'd given me could feel it, the petals falling off one by one the more I stared at them when they were supposed to last at least one more week.

With the dream I had alone, it felt like I was betraying Ethan. Sebastian Sallow should not have had this effect on me, but he did.

He caused the fire. He started it all.

Ethan had been slipping away from me, I could feel it. Or perhaps, I was. After the dream I had, I began teetering between the partiality of me being a traitorous bitch, and someone who just needed to go.

Someone looking for a reason to leave.

Yet, I kept pulling us in under the tides like I had the power to do so. I knew I should let go, to loosen my grip until I no longer danced to the rhythm he changed every day, but I couldn't.

I knew I was smarter than this, but why was it so damn hard to let go?

Could it be the images of what we had in the past, when all it was had been teasing smiles under the purity of light?

Could it be the possibility he'd change again, back to the boy who once threw blankets over my barbed wires instead of wrapping them around my neck?

Could it be the genuine touches he once made me feel under the guise of the night where no one else could hear us?

Could it be because of his alluring, twisting words of adoration that twisted my own convictions?

I didn't know. I needed someone else to answer for me.

"Someone please drown me in the Black Lake and end my misery," I'd murmured into my pillow.

My mind was an unnerving place when I was left alone with it.

I regained my energy upon the clock tower's ring to signal the end of classes. My wet cheeks had acquainted themselves enough with the back of my hand that from the outside, it looked like nothing was wrong at all. I drank a wiggenweld potion, which surprisingly helped with the redness of my eyes.